Empaths are considered to be great truth-tellers, Lightworkers and healers, whether they themselves are healed or un-healed from Narcissistic abuse, our empathy truth-telling and mindfulness, are a great contributor towards great recovery from distress and abuse.
We even feel empathy for people while we need empathy from others but only have ourselves to receive it from; by internal cells in our brains that fire-up when we get 'moved' by our own processes - observing, hearing, touching or doing - as well as by our thoughts - memories - meditations, etc.
My thoughts and energies, memories and meditations are so visually vivid that I can inspire or move myself to what ever need be, like self-love and empathy, confirmation, validation and reasoning, or just determination physically to take action.
My Empathic abilities became the reason so many people in the past have wanted me around them while growing up into my 20's and 30's. I would have thought those people liked me, but they didn't really like me, as much as they liked how I made them feel, or what I did for them. I needed mostly to agree with them all the time to make them like me, but I couldn't.
They didn't like that I spoke up if something bothered me about them, they didn't like when I didn't care for something they said and would tell them about it, and they didn't like when I didn't participate in something they wanted me to participate in.
For example, when they wanted me to do something for them that was either good, right or safe, or just stupid, and I would reply with a detailed answer that would piss them off. Or when they would want to go out and get drunk, while I wanted to go home, listen to music, or just meditate.
Today I don't have anyone holding me back from what I want to do. I listen to music all day in my beautiful home, and meditate all the time. With or without the music playing. I have all the music genres I need to meditate as well, so when I feel like it, on they go.
Today, I don't have to plant myself down on a mat - light incense - close my eyes - and have silence to repeat powerful phrases to myself so that I can be mindful - transcendental, guided and balanced - feel validated or loving, giving, honest, calm, blessed and able to work on a healthy sense of perspective.
Regular Meditation refers to a set of techniques to enhance attention, emotional awareness, kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and mental calmness even in difficult situations. Some people find that regular meditation practice helps them be kind to themselves and more caring towards others (to say the least).
Regular Meditation techniques like those above don't help me the way it may help others. I am those things naturally all the time, and just mentally focus wholeheartedly more at points of the day where I may need more energy or determination, power or truth.
You can say I meditate all day long, just going on with my life, mindfully and spiritually, and not needing a mat - in silence with incense burning - my eyes closed - or repeating phrases to myself. I'm more interested in the truth, than just relieving my stress and anxiety.
One truth is, I feel it's mostly for self-love, and I have enough self-love for myself, and for others. I never needed to meditate to maintain being a beautiful person of truth and authenticity, or to relieve stress for myself, but I would help others meditate if they needed it.
However, with no big surprise, with those same people that would meditate, I found many times; they wouldn't even except the truth if it went against what they believed. If that's how good meditation is for them, they might as well meditate like a religious fanatic does, trying to maintain belief by repeating to themselves "Jesus loves me Jesus loves me." Jesus must love them because he loves everyone, but I bet he loves Empaths much more.
Another truth is, my beautiful Parents always told me there was something really special about me where I didn't need anything or anyone to find out the truth, I will find out, and now I know, that they knew, what they were talking about.
When I was that young, I didn't have the wherewithal or time to research about myself - or find out who I really am, but I knew that I was a truth-teller, a truth-seeker, and a truthful person.
Not the "Gospel" Truth, the correct and factual, genuine and honest to goodness whole and complete truth, the kind that proves itself again and again.
I knew I was a highly sensitive person (HSP), with my feelings and emotions, but, in my 20's and 30's while spending most of my time with friends, work, socializing, night-clubbing and dancing, I still never knew that I was an Empath, but I knew people always wanted me around.
I noticed that people wanted me around for themselves, but I also liked passing the time with having me around by myself, because I would enjoy myself - by myself - even while I noticed others had to be with others to enjoy passing the time. I would ask them why do you want me to come with you?
Or why do you like having me around? Why?, and they would just say things like; "I don't know you're just good for me" or "you're just so great to have around", along with "you're a good person" and "I trust you".
Empaths are the greatest to have around, true, and one good reason for that is, when they naturally and genuinely empathize with a person - let alone enjoy being with them - they validate them in many ways, whole heartedly and truthfully. Everyone needs validation now and then.
Especially when someone is dealing with emotional distress, whether they let others know or not, Empaths can be validating them and their feelings in many genuine ways, naturally and honestly, just while always being aware spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
I say genuine because I'm genuine, so genuine validation is a form of empathetic response that communicates genuinely, that what a person is experiencing at the time, is accepted and true. Unless of course I detect total bullshit.
We can give people validation, that just results in them feeling heard, understood, appreciated, belonging, or alive. Finding the truth in what people feel and think, is something that makes them feel good, but if I find the Narcissism, they don't like that, and so, I find the narcissism in many people's truths.
I like to give my validation online to everyone I immediately appreciate for something - because I don't know what they are going through in their life right now - but I know it has been suggested as an appropriate method for improving feelings and communication with emotionally distressed people - suffering pain emotionally or physically.
Since I never know what's going on with people in their lives while I visit their pages and appreciate their content - I can't just believe everyone is super happy and not triggered negatively by something or fighting with something in their life.
I never think while leaving a comment, that it doesn't matter what I say, especially while I know what I can say could be overwhelming out of context of my feelings and emotional reactions to them.
So the highly sensitive, spiritual and always mindful of others Empath in me, shows my love and appreciation in a comment and emoji, or special image at least.
I won't tell them anything negative because I'm only feeling love and appreciation with people I don't know, that put out great content to appreciate.
I can't just say what ever I want, pertaining to how I feel about whatever, how I look, what I did today, what I would do about whatever, or how I remember when that happen to me, talking only about me.
Many times I'm inspired a certain way, because of them posting a certain something, so I let them know that somehow. These days emojis of a heart, an okay sign, stars, and a laughing face is all I have to post for them, to make them know I appreciate them.
Comment sections are there to share yes, but instead of sharing about myself, I share my love and appreciation with them and for them - in a way validating them and their post, in a positive manner - knowing that it will make them feel good for a moment or longer.
I never like to dismiss what they've posted only to get out what I have to say. It's the same with those in mental or emotional distress; I won't dismiss what they have to say just so I can get out what I need to say to them. I'm mindful of their feelings of being talked to vs being talked at.
Helping people in distress and face to face, I would maintain my assertiveness; for instance listen actively and reflectively without interrupting - offer direct eye contact - maintain self-awareness and a relaxed posture - and not say things 'half-ass' or from my 'whole-ass'.
Many times if someone is overwhelmed and starts tearing-up right before my eyes, it moves me to where I start tearing-up also, because I'm absorbing their stress or grief. However, I don't take over the conversation unless I absolutely need to in perfect love and perfect trust that they want to hear more.
I will reciprocate wholeheartedly and offer my sympathy with validation, comfort, compassion and encouragement, that's real from being empathetic, while I reach to console them, or while I cry with or for them.
I don't have judgments to make about them - or dismissive remarks - or accusations and feelings about what I think is a quick answer or solution to the problem, from what they're telling me while still in distress, I'm not an ass-talking Narcissist.
While I've seen all my life many other people help someone in distress and do all that 'ass-talking' while sounding narcissistic. For example dismissing their feelings, not validating them whatsoever, and saying things like "I know I know" or "you gotta move on."
"Don't think of it that way" ... "don't let it bother you" ... "I feel for you I really do" or "this too shall pass" and of course the famous "it is what it is."
With my highly spiritual and highly sensitive emotional awareness and giving of my highly transferable energies - while validating what they have to say - I'm letting them get out all they must get out.
Showing them that they affect me to care through action and words - making the connection for those in need stronger and more acceptable, and successful.
Others can try to validate people in need, by validating them with words and actions, but I believe an Empath can validate them with their love, appreciation, emotional attachment, understanding, mindfulness and patience. Not to mention their highly transferable energies.
That's how we roll, but many people who are not Empaths try a technique of mimicking validation, or mirroring the person in need. It's similar to what I like to call 'clipboard communication' - in the sense that they'll merely say words without heart and true deep feeling for, or connection with, the other person.
For example "It's okay it's okay" or “I can understand why you feel that way," is common to say to someone when you try to calm them down or have them listen to you, while they're not connecting or even taking what you say to heart.
It could be assertive communication, but in my opinion that's like clipboard communicating and needs to be more genuine care and concern. It should be from, and for the heart.
There should be feelings and emotions involved, not a therapist with time running out while looking at their watch to finish the session. And I know many can't emotionally connect with a stranger, but an Empath can, because we're loving and spiritual Empaths.
Assertive communication is assertive yes, confident, clear and controlled yes, but it's like you read it from a clipboard with a formula to go by, and not from your heart where you go by the formula of love and compassion, empathy and emotional connection.
Confident that you believe in your ability to handle the situation and are composed. Clear because your message is easy to understand and is not exaggerated. Controlled, as you are "tracking" and taking mental notes of the other person while modulating yourself.
It sounds to me like you're really mentally busy at the time, don't really care, and trying to manipulate the conversation, and for me that's just too busy and manipulative, to deeply and emotionally bond or connect with someone so they can successfully feel better.
It's the reason why; as a highly sensitive and gay feminine male artistic person living downtown in my 20's and 30's and distressed - visiting a therapist who was intelligently and assertively communicating with me - but not genuinely caring about me - or deeply connecting with me, was not good enough for me.
I felt no success to be had by many sessions, definitely not enough to ever see me through what I was going through at the time. I need more than logic and assertiveness when someone is trying to help me.
I already possess that for myself, I need genuine care and deep connection with another who truly understands, and validates what I'm feeling, as real and true and worth going through to get to a point of breakthrough or just feeling better.
However it is helpful to be assertive while communicating, but only to a point - because that's all you're doing - you're communicating, you're not emotionally connecting, so how can you fully help someone mentally and emotionally, if you can't connect emotionally?
You can't if you're just and only assertive. I'm already naturally assertive - without the mentally busy and manipulative part - while I communicate without my clipboard.
So I am assertive but I am also a mindful Empath that can be that way naturally, but also with deep emotions and emotional bonding connection abilities, spirituality, energies, no cognitive disorders, no narcissism, and lots of genuine love for others, to help them emotionally feel better successfully.
Then there are people who are non-assertive - perhaps with a cognitive disorder and some narcissism to say the least - that have a hard time helping others in emotional distress, and when it comes that they must try, it often becomes overwhelming after a short time and to a point of stopping.
Like for example; after a short time trying with no success, they may say things like "Okay I really have to go, but I'll call you later to see how you're doing," or "we'll pick up where we left off next time we speak." Or how about "call me any time and we'll talk on the phone okay?"
In my opinion, alot of people think they're helping you with distress, just by listening to you (to what they call) crying and babbling on - or rant - or complain or bitch about something or another - while asking you questions - but they're really just not caring to help you or validate you, more like put a bandage on you so they themselves, can move on.
With everyday people who are unable to emotionally connect, and that are non-assertive, trying to help someone one on one, they would end up 15 to 20 minutes later saying things like, "I don't know what to say" or "I don't know what to tell you."
Followed with a simple quote or phrase they remember that may be helpful, or in their own words "at least you can learn from this" or "at least you're not physically hurt" and my favorite, "at least now you can move on."
Those who communicate like that are the ones that want to move on, because that to me is just as dismissive and Narcissistic as the end of a therapy session, where the therapist looks at the time and says "okay the hour is over, we'll pick up where we left off in your next session."
While they charge you a fee, and have only listened to what you think your problem is. As if all you need is to be seen and heard. While I see and hear that that person, or the therapist has a problem, and it's that they're not trying to emotionally connect, they're non-assertive, dismissive and narcissistic, and that I shall never return.
You can't help someone in distress just listening and saying some words with an agenda to continue speaking and being listened to (like a dismissive narcissist would), you have to mean what you say, show that you mean it and feel it without having to say anything interrupting me afterwards.
Another example would be, THEY WOULD SAY; "I can tell this is really important to you.” or just agreeing with “What a frustrating/upsetting situation you're in”. "How does that make you feel" followed by a sort of gaslighting where they tell you how "perhaps you're looking at it all wrong?"
I WOULD SAY; "Oh really, you think so? Do you think that, or are you feeling that?" Most likely their just saying all that for my benefit. Making me feel dismissed and adding more to my distress.
Not being able to validate anyone's feelings and emotions at the same time, properly and naturally with mindful feelings and emotions; is one of the biggest problems alot of people have - especially Narcissists and therapists.
Even in an normal intimate relationship with someone - when you can't validate your partner's emotions; needs or concerns, the relationship is doomed. One on one and with feeling and emotion, each partner has to validate the other's feelings and attached emotion.
However when you visit a therapist with your partner, the therapist knows exactly what to say, because they run off of a clipboard with no feelings attached, but they can refer to how important it is to be validating each other's feelings and emotions with attached feelings and emotions from one spouse to the other.
Everyone needs validation one on one at some point, or all the time, so I think not being able to genuinely validate people's feelings and emotions with genuine concern one on one - by addressing them with emotion instead of dismissing them with words - is a terrible way to live life in my opinion.
One of the most frustrating and upsetting situations I've come across or have seen with people who are not genuinely empathetic, is when they try to appear that they are. Just saying all the right words to someone in distress (straight from the clipboard), but not feeling them deeply.
Then they're wondering why, that person they were trying to support or console by validating them, is still in distress. They think they said all the right things with the right language in proper context, and even showed all the right expressions with consoling touches, but it's not enough to just say and show.
Saying something like “I can see the efforts you're making” - but don't really understand it's not just about "seeing the efforts" - it goes beyond just saying the words "seeing the efforts". It's about feeling and showing that you are knowing, deep down 'the efforts' - that person has made to a point of distress.
It is more than the words you say to people, that let them feel the validation, it is the feeling you're genuinely giving them to feel from you, that you understand and know 'the efforts, so it becomes for the Empath more than just a language of words and touches.
For example, with an Empath just validating someone in distress, it becomes immediately a language in feelings and action; friendship, love, companionship and understanding - and a bonding connection with words of support, with time to give more, and with patience to standby - that alot of people don't really have - but try to pretend they do.
Those things mixed with an Empath's own genuine emotions triggered and absorbing - the taking on of emotions from the other person's feelings - generate a high energy that's powerful enough to penetrate and resonate with the other person to feel deeply, that we genuinely care and have time for them.
We are amazingly gifted and super sensitive people, but in general, empathy is a fundamental component of both emotional and social intelligence, and requires healthy cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and moral capacities (to say the least) for understanding and responding to the suffering of others.
When I really listen to someone who never really felt heard - or a stranger that just came to deliver something but has distress and chooses me to let me know about it - it is a revitalization or rejuvenation of a power surge from me to them, even if it's for 5 to 10 minutes and my consoling hug at the end.
What I give to another person in 5 to 10 minutes out of my Spiritual and Empathic, healthy cognitive and moral capacities to say the least, in my opinion is much more that you'll find with a therapist for an hour, with no hug at the end, just a bill.
When an Empath stands side by side - or face to face - one on one with another person who is in distress, offering a deep connection that the person with distress - or the victim - knows deeply is a genuine connection, it's beautiful yet powerful and rewarding for both of them.
The distressed person may normally feel neglected or always alone, with no one to count on, and no one to talk to, but if they have an Empath beside them, feeling their distress and emotional pain, they know that now they have someone to count on, to talk to, and that gets it, that gets them.
We connect with them, and reciprocate feelings and emotions with them while validating them. Thus feeling revived or rejuvenated with a better way of seeing things and no bill at the end.
Genuine validation by offering love and compassion that connects deeply to a person that is normally feeling emotional neglect, can go along way to healing that persons constant emotional distress.
However it can only go that long way, if you can show emotional concern and connection with that person, not if you're just working off an Assertive Communication Clipboard.
You don't show love and compassion with just mere words and actions, you show it with a surge of feelings that can resonate and connect deeply with the other person.
The validation, that comes along with genuinely empathizing with a person is how we Empath's actually offer and contribute greatly to that person's recovery, that can bring back their feelings or ability to see joy again.
That is why Empaths are considered to be true communicators, lightworkers and healers for others in need of emotional help, healing or a guiding light.
Even inspiration through communicating and motivating. If I need help from a Professor of Psychology or Logic with no emotions attached, I'll visit a therapist. That's if I don't find what I need online.
Generally, genuine empathy naturally provides validation to those who desperately need it and lack it from fully communicating with words and emotions.
While so many people are merely trying to communicate by mimicking or mirroring what they know about communication when they come across having to help someone that needs it.
It's true and full communication that is needed, it's not 'trying to communicate', it is 'communicating' and communicating successfully when you communicate with words and emotions.
For example, I don't believe you're truly communicating if you're remembering the rules of communication from a clipboard, that's called clipboard communication.
If all you're using is cognition abilities to communicate to someone in distress; that's great but you are communicating to a limit - where the limit line is at the person's need for deep emotional connection with you. The cognition abilities don't offer deep emotional connection, the empathic sensitive heart and soul do.
Your cognition abilities and skills (if not mixed with narcissism or impaired by some disorder), are great for paying attention to someone in distress - having memory to remember what they tell you; processing and perception, logic and reasoning.
However it doesn't hold the deep emotional bonding connection that someone who is empathic is holding, showing, offering and many times reciprocating.
Others in my opinion who are just trying to communicate by verbally validating repeating or mimicking someone's feelings - emotions and opinions - and just trying to express empathy and understanding with mere words they think will work this time - are not successful in the true form of success.
However toxic Narcissists while appearing to want to help you, will trick you in whatever state you're in - whether you're in distress or in a successful happy-place - trying to validate you by saying the words, from their memorized clipboard of messy mimicking and mirroring mental notes, and applying some sort of inadequate action.
They'll try to mimic all the can remember about empathy and validation for others, and they'll try a mirroring manipulation technique to recreate a false sense of connection with you, but it's all just trickery, and whether actual assertive communication is going on, or just manipulative trickery, they all appear the same to me.
Simple validations by toxic Narcissists could sound like the following, after you've shared something - that's meaningful for you - with them; "I see", "I hear you", "that's terrible", "I get it", "that's true" or "you're so right on" or "that makes so much sense". "Now come on let's have a sandwich" or "let's change the topic."
However after that you may find, they take over the conversation and make it all about them, as if they just wanted you to finish talking and couldn't care less about what you were saying because it's never brought up again.
I have been through a life of genuinely validating others who I felt needed to be validated while deeply and empathically connecting to them, more than a life of being genuinely validated myself by others. I've also been through with others, everything you've read so far.
I've never said to anyone in my whole entire life, "I'm mad at you I'm not talking to you", you know why, because so many people have said that to me my whole entire life, making me never say that to anyone because of how it made me feel.
While I give others the benefit of the doubt, others have given me the feeling of doubting myself, lack of self-confidence, insecurity, not being a good person, not communicating or being clear, and not being trusted. Now looking back in hindsight, they were all those things.
My most genuine time of validation, empathy and acknowledgement, that was constant, ongoing and powerful, that I ever received, while not even requested, was from my beloved when he was with me for twenty-one plus years.
Before that and after that - minus the years from my beautiful Mom & Dad - any validation, empathy and acknowledgement - not to mention acceptance - I received by others - was not deep from the heart, or genuine.
They were attempts of some kind (sometimes with half-truths or hidden agenda), so I would accept it all, out of empathy for the one attempting. At the time it looks sincere, just lacking empathy of course, and didn't feel whole heartedly given to me. It just felt like something they had to do but rather not.
Today validation; empathy and acknowledgement; comes in the form of quick online chats or emojis or comments on my facebook. It's nice but it's tiny, not specific, and doesn't involve deep connection except from me.
It's also not always there, as a matter of fact I would say it's hardly there - and it doesn't come with reciprocal communication or a deep connection, as I always offer that more than I get it - so at times that's when my draining process becomes exhausted.
If I had to count on validation and acknowledgement these days - online or offline - to keep me going, I wouldn't be able to keep going. So I validate and acknowledge myself, with enough self-love that will last forever; that knows what I need and able to give, without the draining process that becomes exhausted.
If I do communicate deeply with anyone online or on the phone, it's a wonderful feeling, but these days - it's rare and far apart so I mostly communicate, validate and acknowledge, myself - because myself knows my worth - knows my truths - knows what I'm capable of - and knows already that I've given to others more than they're capable of giving to me.
I trust myself more than I can trust others not to say or do something inappropriate or not called for. I also remember the genuine validation that I received constantly with genuine perfect Love and perfect Trust for twenty-one plus years by my beloved, and now I'm even more than who I was within those years.
💖Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ, ɪɴsᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪsɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ Bʟᴏɢsᴘᴏᴛ💖
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