It is said that I have the right to call myself a professional writer, because I am passionate about the written word. I have the desire to share my thoughts and stories with others while trying to write how I would speak; everything I know and everything I learn as my internet connection allows me, and I get great joy and fulfillment putting in the time and effort to hone this craft.💖ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᶠᵒʳᵍᵉᵗ, ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵃᵍᵉˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵐᵉ ᵃˢ ʷᵉˡˡ💖ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵈⁱᶠᶠᵉʳᵃⁿᵗ ᵖⁱᶜᵗᵘʳᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ.
Through writing I have developed more understanding of my personality and learning capabilities. One of the main components to my personal learning style is the necessity of writing.
Writing is beneficial to cognitive skills as it requires focusing of attention; planning and forethought; organization of one's thinking; and reflective thought among other abilities – thereby sharpening these skills through practice and reinforcement. I love that, I have always had a strong need and urge to write everything down and encourage others to do the same.
I just don't do it for a living; such as journalism, marketing, advertising, public relations etc.. I've always been artistic and creative but I am not a Creative Writer because with that comes advanced abilities; in grammar, punctuation, and spelling; for short stories of fiction; novels, plays etc. I'm just a Writer, so let me apologise right now for mistakes in my grammar, punctuation and spelling throughout the pages.
That's why I would break from writing to television, and watch whatever I could to hear someone else's voice for a while. Watching commercials for me, is absolutely hell, they're like bad health issues you can never get rid of. As expected after being narcissistically abused for so long, this Empath has some health issues, and even they act up when I hear or see commercials or people with NPD; yet I keep on keepin on but things can get to be too much..
So even just to tolerate the stupid; the ignorant, the lack of respect and concern or even words, and the broken people with their broken fauxpologies and lack of emotional intelligence, is too much. I will eventually break off from them and have no more contact if they can't at least change their ways with me.
I love to give Love, and I love to get Love. If you give love all the time, and only get stupid; ignorant and broken in return; you soon will spoil your own Love, and you won't be able to give love any longer, not even to yourself. It's the same with giving or always being a giver, you can give and give and give, while they take and take and take, but if no one is giving you back, you'll soon be unable to give anymore.
You need to regenerate so you can continue giving. I regenerate with Love, but I need to get it in return somewhere and then when I get and get and get, I can have enough again (or an overflow of it) to give and give and give again and again and again. Like my cats that I get and get love from, so I have lots of love to give and give them back.
With my Beloved for 21+ years, we were reciprocal with the giving and getting of love, so I was overflowing in Love to give to everyone. He was the only one in my whole life who reciprocated Love with me and I blossomed only with him, nurturing me and Loving me daily. I believe that if you have a hard time with reciprocating anything with anyone, you'll have a hard time with everyone.
I DREAM OF A BETTER WORLD, WITH BETTER PEOPLE; people who have empathy, compassion, emotional intelligence and Love for others all the time. However I dream only when I'm awake, because when I’m asleep, I dream only the reality that is a world of Horror and Terror, with terrible people creating horror for others.
I ruminate all night with thoughts created (obsessed) by Narcissistic Abuse and Psychopaths among us; giving me an hour or two of stupid and scary dreams and memories as a sleep cycle for me; mixed with my mishmash of physical ailments, waking me every one or two hours.
Only to wake me in sudden concern or dismay: upset, worried, or agitated because of some unwelcomed situation or occurrence, or disgust in some bizarre dreams. Keeping me awake while trying to heal from years of Narcissist abuse with no one beside me and no one to talk to.
I write and write for a measure of some peace and healing, I play casino games to occupy my mind, I play music 24 hours a day to remember the good times and feel the love I have inside. If I must; I watch TV to be thankful I'm not with any Narcissists, I check on my babies to make sure they're okay, and then I go to sleep again while I know I'll hate it.
Since my beloved passed away, it was one narcissist after the next in my life (including the workmen, and service people that I had to deal with right away). It feels like the minute people meet me they see I'm not perfect, but perfect for them to take advantage of me, and if they're narcissists they'll play with my emotions and try for even more.
When I meet people I don't play hardened or bitter, or hide my emotions. I'm the same I've always been with everyone I meet; I'm soft-spoken, sweet, nice, honest, considerate, easy going, and if I'm emotional at the time, they see that too, not to mention my loneliness and grief. People see me as a good person while narcissistic people see me ready for the picking, or like my own brother sees me as, a liar, but he's already picked at me all his life.
However, I am part of the Growing Movement of millions with emotional intelligence who are Anti-Narcissist; that LOVE & CARE passionately to create a better world and better people. We are truth tellers, feelers and givers, supportive people that feel for everyone; so we speak up, or write, about narcissists or psychopathic people, and their abuse on others.
Even when a narcissist apologizes it's a manipulative Fauxpology; a phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person. Usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit excuse or something confabulated.
Still, those apologies that come in a way that's short and sharp with at least 1 mock, are meaningless and also hurtful. For instance, "I already apologised for that", yah maybe, but that was before I was able to point out what an ass hole you are. They have excuses for everything, including being an asshole, for instance "I don't know why I'm such an asshole". That also is a lie.
They have an answer that is the reason they did what they did, and that comes first; it may be cruel rude insulting nonsense or small-minded & pretentious, but it was being an asshole. It doesn't matter anyway, just give up, stop talking to them, and get that healing done, cause they see being an asshole as an important life skill.
They can show you tears and sadness, and they can tell you about their terrible childhood and vulnerabilities; it's always someone else's fault to them, but they're just using their life skill of strategic manipulation stupidity and delusion-referencing to sound justifiable, with whatever they did.
They can with tears say to you "I didn't do anything and you're mad at me", hoping you push your upset feelings about them aside, and keep your compassion and empathy for them. But why should you; when you're the one who should be crying and they show no compassion and empathy with you. It's a waste of time, and you'll feel stupid after.
Thus, I feel we must all Rise Up Against the acceptance of NPD Abuse, because it further creates more of it and more of it from more people and more people all over the world. They already live in a state of grandiose delusion where that they matter more than others; but all they do is hurt others every single week, with what they do, what they say or don't say; what they think & what they act like.
Usually with unclean hands, they also seek for help from others and to be cleared of all wrongdoings, while they just returned from doing or saying something that was not good or clean. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world who only do good; yet have a Psychopath or Narcissist at War with them; even for no reason at all but the mixed distorted delusional reasons in the Psychopath or Narcissists' ugly distorted head.
I was a scapegoat as a child, and I was a scapegoat growing up with my Narcissist friends downtown. Scapegoats are highly likely to be the truth-tellers and cycle breakers of a Narcissist's bullshit, like for example when my Empathic heart reveals itself by revealing the mistreatment of others, that alone can trigger a narcissist to be at war with me.
From the heart, I used to speak out against them all the time the minute they acted like what I thought were just fools, unless of course, they were my boss, or someone of authority over me (I'd be a goody-goody staying quiet). Narcissists often targeted me while I dedicated myself to being nothing like them. I would either tell them I know what they're doing and they'd better stop, or I would advise others to stay away and not support them.
They want to crush you when you call them out; when you don't agree with them, when you try No-Contact with them, even when they THINK you're talking bad about them, when you're not. When I was living downtown before moving in with my Mom again, I was being crushed by a Narcissist that I was roommates with, it was my last straw and I had to get away, so I did. And no one from downtown ever saw me or heard from me again.
It was a joy that no one could fathom the feeling of.
For more fathom, come take a fathom at my YouTubeChannel
💖Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ, ɪɴsᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪsɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ Bʟᴏɢsᴘᴏᴛ💖
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