We are survivors; surviving narcissistic abuse perpetually; continuing or enduring forever; everlasting perpetual snowfalls of Narcissistic Emotional Abuse; TrIckery, Gaslighting, Manipulation, oppression and so much more.
I choose to call myself un-healed but maybe I should call myself; a narcissistic abuse survivor unhealed and in recovery for the rest of my life.
It's like being a recovering addict, but instead of from toxic poisoning drugs & alcohol; your addiction is to toxic poisoning Narcissistic fake people, who are everywhere and who appear to be good people. Eventually swallowing their toxic poison.
Until someone who actually genuinely loves me the way I need them to; comes along and it's just them and I here at home everyday healing and growing together, I will remain an individual recovering from Narcissistic abusive people, trying to heal myself.
So I will never be fully healed, but I will still have a big beautiful loving heart for those appearing to be good people who do come along. I won't know the fakes from the good people right off the bat, because fakers fake their goodness & hide their toxic traits with strangers & targets, so I'll be weary of the good people, but I will find out before it's too late for me that's for sure.
I used to always do what others asked of me (within reason of course), when I saw that they appreciated me or gave me feelings of appreciation, even when those feelings were one sided and made up like a delusion by myself.
I struggled to even recognize my own feelings and needs and often looked to those around me rather than trusting my own emotional responses when I was young. Maybe because I was on an emotional roller-coaster daily, happy and sad, scared and brave; I had to calm my anxiety down myself whenever leaving the home to go to school.
I also struggled with healthy boundaries as well, and all these things were the opposite of helpful, by the time I moved to the downtown area to become more independent of my siblings, thus naturally discovering a more trusting feeling of my own feelings, needs and emotional responses.
I was insecure and needed people to tell me or show me better ways to be as a person; and things I needed to understand about Life and People; not to mention my own feelings, needs and emotional responses, so when that person helped me in such great ways, I wanted to help them in great ways also.
That's what I was addicted to, it was like a high I got just from someone making me feel more secure about myself, adding to my knowledge and understanding of things. Which was my only security system I had growing up. And then I got addicted to the joy of giving back, being reciprocal, and helping others out in some way also.
Narcissists were attracted to me left and right, but it wasn't genuine attraction it was the attraction of a target that will give them what they need at the time. Like the bullies when I was young and going to school, or like with Narcissist Bosses when I was working downtown in my 20's, that saw my talents and would hire me.
With Bosses that hired me, I fawned over them and others (like I did with boyfriends), and was a people pleaser, and narcissists love when you fawn and try to please them non-stop. When I appreciate, I fawn, but there's another reason for fawning I didn't know about.
It is known that trauma and abuse survivors will fawn in response to their abuser or potential abuser, in an effort to keep an abuser happy; even when there is serious danger or harm perceived. Like when there is perceived abuse to others by someone, I would be attempting to appease that someone causing the abuse in order to prevent them abusing me.
It's why I had many Bullies in high school befriend me and want to control me, while bullying me. It's why my siblings growing up with me would be nice to me and try to control me, while using me. First I become aware of the controller and sense a danger with them in the future, but be with them anyway, thinking if I see the danger coming from them, I'll avoid the danger somehow.
Like with Bosses of Companies when I worked for them; as an Empath (or over-sensitive person) and Trauma survivor myself working for one; I would become aware of their abusive behavior towards others, and feel with all my senses; the abuse in the near future towards myself. Thus, my trauma response would be to behave in a people-pleasing way to avoid conflict and establish a sense of safety with my Boss, the abuser.
At that age and ignorance; lack of security and guidance, I only had my senses, and I went with them; responded to them, because I saw that I was correct about people most of the time.
When faced with potential abuse of any kind, or knowing it could be easy to receive abusive treatment from my Bosses or co-workers, fawning served as a coping mechanism. Praising them too much and giving them a lot of attention that is not deserved or sincere, in order to get a positive reaction to stay safe for a little longer. Needless to say, I was their good little servant/slave for too many years.
However not only Bosses & co-workers wanted me as a good little servant/slave; my two top Narcissist Siblings also wished for that. Sister number one, and my Brother, both older, wiser, and more narcissistically manipulative than any Bosses I ever worked for, wanted that of me. They caused Trauma for me, since childhood; making my trauma response to things in the future so severe.
There's not a time with my Sister and Brother that they were not trying to groom their baby brother, for their next supply when needed. They would try to secretly groom me to be their servant/slave (scapegoat) over and over again with every life event they went through, or at least that's what it always felt like.
However Sister number two would come to my rescue when I was hurt or mistreated, and that's just another reason why I've been in contact with her longer than any of them. They had Sister number two supporting and enabling them as their scapegoat, but they wanted me also to support them and enable them as another scapegoat.
Sister number one would pretend I love to be working with her, and my brother would pretend I love being his assistant. Doing things for them as I grew to be a teenager, was to only stay in control so I could stop them from emotionally controlling me and abusing me. However that's what they were doing while I thought I was in control.
When you feel empathy for others as a natural way of living, one day at some point a narcissist will get your empathy for themselves, and use you for supply, if that didn't happen to you already since childhood. In my childhood it did, and it just made me more and more insecure about myself, about my life and what I can and can not control. Along with contributing to my low-self esteem.
Narcissists are attracted to people who are insecure and have low-self esteem. To narcissists, people like that seem easy to control and manipulate, so they target them. I feel like I lived my life as someone used for target practice by friends, strangers, bosses, roommates, lovers and of course family.
When they're constantly gaslighting you it's easy to feel like you're being stupid and should listen to them, or when family members have gaslit you all your life it's easy to grow up feeling naive with low-self esteem; too sensitive with empathy and compassion for everyone.
Grateful for whatever little bread crumb of niceness you got, appreciating people even though they didn't genuinely appreciate you, and giving in to those telling you to help them out, even though what they want from you is not fair, or wrong, or not deserved.
While I had genuine empathy for my Sister and Brother, it felt like they had no genuine empathy for me. No one except Sister number two, but my eldest Sister and my brother would make me feel bad for them, or worried for them, by pretending or exaggerating a particular incident, so I can help them and support them and hopefully always be there for them.
Empathetic people are often attractive to narcissists, because we display our hearts on our sleeves. Narcissists love the attention and importance that sensitive people give them and will not stop using them, even while putting them down and degrading them all the time. Right up to the time of old age.
So yes, I am a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse, but I am also an unhealed Empath in recovery; however I will be recovering forever more than healing, cause I have these narcissists in my family forever; the memories in my head, the worry of meeting more, and the triggers of narcissism I have yet to come across as I grow into my old age.
I've had to deal with them, and the outside world of narcissists for so long, while feeling all the emotional and psychological torment and tormentous memories deeply on a daily basis.
Ruminating keeps me in nightmare-mode while I'm trying to sleep; only getting 2 to 3 hours of sleep keeps me in unhealthy-mode while I'm awake, and having physical injuries of different kinds on different days keeps me only enjoying hardly anything anymore.
Even with no-contact for however long they can stay away the rumination is draining exhausting brain abuse for me that even when we're not in contact; I'm interrupted with nerve-racking thoughts of them all day and night; inspiration and positive thoughts fly out the windows, and agonizing vivid dreams when I sleep.
It's like being an addict to drugs; alcohol, gambling and illegal behavior; but you haven't done any of those for months, however you're still an addict, and drugs; alcohol, gambling and illegal behavior is offered to you everywhere you go.
The thoughts never leave you; you ruminate all day, and at any moment anyone can approach you with drugs; alcohol, gambling and illegal behavior. You go crazy trying to stay away from it all, but it's hard. It's a perpetual cycle of up and down roller-coaster rides, on thoughts and feelings of doom and agony for your future.
To reflect on my future is just depressing, so I try to reflect on now, and what I can do to occupy my time; like with this Blog to help others and get my story out of me; after keeping it all in for way too long.
So with me; my siblings are the drugs; alcohol, gambling and illegal behavior, and they can call me again or approach me at any moment; I never know when and I never know how.
One of them could call again, and one of them could just show up again; when they do, my recovery is set back and my agony gets another layer of cement poured onto it. I can control myself with a Narcissist, but I can't control the narcissist with myself.
Even if someone is not a narcissist; perhaps they have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder); what ever the case may be, they display those disorders and things get extreme when they don't get what they want.
It's a disgusting behavior in my eyes, and leaves me shaking and feeling like I'm avoiding violence and danger trying to stay calm and hide while Yellow-Rocking my way out.
So it doesn't matter to me if they have BPD or NPD, ADHD or OCD, or anything on the incredible spectrum of mental disorders; when they display their fucked up behaviors in words or actions, they are acting like complete Narcissists.
Like complete drug addicted; alcoholics, gambling with my life, needing their next fix while trying to manipulate and control me for their next illegal behavior. Not taking No for an answer and pushing against all my boundaries.
The road to recovery from narcissistic abuse can be challenging, but if you have more than one sibling on the spectrum of mental disorders, it could be the challenge of a lifetime. That's why for my remaining lifetime, I am an unhealed empath.
However I'm still an Empath of Love, sensitivity and spirituality, I can help someone heal, but I don't think I can help anyone fully heal just by them seeing me and talking to me, I believe you need something a little stronger like True Love in your life.
Without that, you'll need therapy, and support groups, and self-love, and so much more because the trauma you’ve endured may be too complex to unpack on your own.
I can help someone unpack it, but they've got to put it away. I've unpacked everything for me, I know what I'm dealing with, I just need to put it all away everyday, dealing with the mess all on my own.
I have had no choice but to be my own mental health professional helping me process my feelings and rumination, advising myself through my survival to get on this road of recovery from the abuse I've experienced all my life until meeting my beloved.
For 21+ years with my beloved I needed only him to heal me, and the "us factor" that came along with our Love. After 21+ years he passed away and I was alone for 11 months, and then a relationship came along with a Narcissist that stayed with me under the pretence of him caring about me.
Now for 5 years since my beloved passed away, it's been non-stop narcissism drawn to me like a magnet, online and offline.
Without True love and joy from one person it could take years upon years to heal from Narcissistic Abuse, even with therapy or counseling; a phycologist; a trauma specialist; a mental health professional, support group meetings, a special friend or someone to talk to.
On top of that, there's the physical ailments of it all that's affecting you in ways you never thought would ever happen, but they did. Physical symptoms that medically can not be explained symptoms coming from somewhere particular. As I know it; to be particular, they come from a long timeline of Narcissistic Abuse.
You can hardly care for yourself as you keep everything bottled up inside, and you get to a point where you couldn't care less for yourself.
Self-love and determination for self-care and positive thinking, is essential in the process of healing from Narcissistic abuse, and I tried all of that during my years downtown and needless to say they didn't help. Because deep down I felt alone, and that no one cared about me or how I felt. My family members were always around, but they not only didn't help, they were incapable of helping me because they only made me feel worse.
I had to live with the emotional misery in my life like I had to live with my siblings in my life, and even temporarily without them around I had the other narcissists in my life. In friends, coworkers, bosses, dates and strangers, all on a constant roller coaster of a life downtown full of bullshit to deal with. Most people found me interesting, but eventually not interested in me; like the dates I went on.
Looking back in hindsight of course; every narcissist I ever met on a date asked these questions for supply purposes while looking interested in me: "So what do you do for a living?" "How much money do you make?" "So do you own your own home?" "So do you have a car?" and “So do you have roomates or you live alone?", and I found it so inappropriate I made sure I never asked anyone those questions.
Even though I was with a narcissist but didn't know yet, they appeared to appreciate how I didn't react negatively to those questions and just responded with the truth. They liked how I wasn't so inappropriately probing like they were, because if I were, then they'd have to lie like a rug with every question I had.
Also avoiding questions and changing the topics, or giving a vague small answer to me for everything, drove me nuts. Me: so tell me about yourself? Them: "well, there's not much to tell, my life is boring" or "there's nothing to tell, I live a simple life what about you?", was a big flashing "GET OUT QUICK" sign for me. Or "omg I need a therapist, why do I keep meeting these kinds of people?"
Therapy made me smarter but always made me feel like I was the problem. Needing a friend and meeting people was fun for a while, but always made me feel like I was desperate, and support groups were supportive but were not there for me 24 hours a day.
In those days no one addressed Narcissism with me and told me people were shitty to me, they just thought I was the problem as they tried to give me advice, so I didn't know I was dealing with Narcissism but they were attracted to me like flies on rice.
I knew them from all the other names; assholes, pieces of shits, lyers, pricks, douchebags, scumbags, apathetic people, ignorant dumdums and all the rest of the names for disgusting people that treated others badly. Not to mention the nice people that would occasionally do or say narcissistic things to me.
Apathy was everywhere so there was no one to tell my problems to without being mocked or oppressed or dismissed. Not one friend knew how to empathise with me, while they liked me because of how empathetic I was.
I didn't have true love the whole time living downtown, not with anyone, and people who don't have that, will need to seek therapy, and do a whole bunch of things to try and recover from disgusting people that Narcissistically Abuse them.
However when you have True Love like how I had after I left downtown and after moving in with my Mom before turning 30, leaving all of the Narcissists down there; you can recover fully with only that. One true love not by another Narcissist while surrounded by narcissists everywhere, can save your life.
Before I met my one true Love Ed, I had all the symptoms; just secretly. Chronic pain, depression and anxiety, fear or avoidance of criticizing or upsetting anyone, isolation or withdrawal as much as I could from friends or siblings. Also Loss of interest in my job; my fun pastimes and hobbies. I had such low self-esteem, constant worry and more.
Then I met Ed and they all flew out the window, and then after 21+ years I lost him and now they're all back. 21+ years in perfect love and perfect trust healing and recovery was a full time daily happening, naturally and joyously, without even realizing it. Now it's a beautiful memory and a fantasy I just can't imagine coming true again with anyone.
Ed and I were reconnecting with ourselves, we enjoyed our solitude without bombardment of narcissists; we discussed everything about terrible people with each other, and recognized what manipulation looks like with others.
Finally discovering Unconditional Genuine Love with someone, and enjoying also unconditional Genuine Love from our baby animals we had, I had it all and there were no red flags, no triggers, no egg shells, no fake phony bullshit, just reciprocal unconditional genuine love 24 hours a day everyday.
We were each other's mental health professionals; we had decreased guilt of no-contact, we had reduced fear and anxiety from narcissists tremendously, what we did was "never mind them" and it worked.
We wanted and needed happiness for each other, and we had Inner Peace, emotional and spiritual intelligence, great times to pass the time, Spiritual Love and in a million years I never dreamed I could ever meet a man like him.
I often told him he saved me and that now I have it all, he would reciprocate by responding in such a way that only growth; knowledge, perfect Love and perfect Trust could flourish. I know it's hard to find one true Love when you've been broken and abused by Narcissists, that's why I know I was blessed to have found one.
One of the most important things for healing from Narcissistic abuse; and for me, is finally having a person with all the great qualities of a beautiful person, that 100% Genuinely Cares or Loves you. But they need to have the four types of intelligence that I believe is necessary to heal completely. Completely where you are no longer in recovery, that's done.
When I express that I had it all, I mean with a man that possessed those incredible IQ's; Intelligence Quotient (IQ), Emotional Quotient (EQ), Social Quotient (SQ) and Adversity Quotient (AQ). When you're with a person who possesses all of them, you're living a life where Narcissism doesn't Trigger or affect you in anyway, but the way to inform others and protect your loved ones.
Being with my Ed, was how I healed the most and the fastest from years of Narcissist intertwining; I left it all behind me after meeting the Love of my Life and the most perfect person to help me heal. I had it all, everything I could never even dream of wanting beforehand, and I spent alot of time beforehand dreaming of what I wanted.
He was an educated spiritual empath narcissistically abused before I came along, and he was still working with people and small kids, so there was narcissistic behavior in his life still, but he retired and we helped each other heal, just by living our best life together, a life of Love and affection until the end of his time.
Narcissists don't appreciate educated Empaths and Sensitive people they can't control or manipulate, they love when your kind hearted and generous, but hate when you're educated, because if you're educated you can see that they are abusive, problematic and fake; there for want nothing to do with them.
Nothing to do with them, is the way to go to fully heal from Narcissist abuse, not only heal from it, but stay away from it, and the dangers that come along with knowing a Narcissist. You have to make sure you educate yourself on Narcissism so you can spot the red flags, and not let them able to be abusive to you.
I hope I've educated you, but I'm not a teacher of Narcissism or a therapist for Abuse Victims. I'm writing more about myself while trying to be informative so make sure you check out the links in the "Words & Terms Glossary", and do your own research from there at least.
A Basic therapist will not educate you on Narcissism, you have to do that, and seek therapy to help you with your emotional stress and abuse, but I suggest you also look at the videos and clips online, with the reels and videos and groups and chats about Narcissism. It's what got me to this point where I feel great about myself again.
I was in hell, and then I just went on facebook and searched "Narcissist" and Boom there they were; people with reels and videos and groups and chats. With them you will assist your healing process, or at least feel better about yourself and regain the beauty in your heart that the Narcissist stepped on.
They stepped on my beauty, my self-esteem, my self-worth and my Love. You need that beauty to treat yourself better again, because you gotta get stronger and inspired again to grow your self-esteem and self-worth back, then you can feel your love again and give yourself the love you deserve. Take care of business again, the business of you.
I now spend time on facebook posting things to help out as well. I post those videos; I post those reels, I post helpful and inspiring quotes to live by, I even post therapists that teach us more about Narcissists.
Then just in case the victims or survivors visiting start crying, I mix it up with some comedy, or comics, or funny things and pictures. I love life again, and I want to help the victims and survivors love their life again as well.
If you want to fully heal you should fully stop dealing with the things that make you feel abused or victimized trying to survive while suffering and sick. Stop contact with narcissists completely to move on without them and heal completely; becoming free from the hold they had on you, and you have to continue until that hold is gone.
If you make that mistake again more than once by remaining in contact with them, than that mistake like my mistake with my siblings; is a decision, to continue with the abuse cycle until the cycle runs its course to the end. Who's end we shall see.
I'm healing just by helping others heal also. When I post for others, or chat with others, I have to know what I'm saying, so I learn it all online and that feels really great. Writing has also always helped me as well, so all this writing I'm doing to share my story, is tremendously helpful.
I always wondered why helping others felt like I was helping myself, so what I find is the fact that helping others feels great, and when you feel great you go on doing great things. Great can be temporary or it can be full time; it can be by helping others or by helping yourself, but when it's around it's great.
However there's also the fact that because you can see different perspectives when you help others, you help yourself with a better perspective, instead of always seeing one perspective, you have more when you help others with their perspectives.
When you share your pain with a person, or that person shares their pain with you; that adds to new perspectives of looking at your own pain and seeing that there are things you can do about it. Or why you're pain may not be as painful as that other person's pain right now.
You should never ignore your pain & suffering, but we usually ruminate over our pain & suffering, and that is constantly reminding us that we have pain and suffering. Don't ignore your pain, take care of it, and you'll see that one day you'll stop suffering.
However, when someone else is before us suffering in pain, and we offer them our selfless concern, empathy, and acknowledgment, there is no rumination during that time period. Where did it go?
It took a break because we're not thinking about ourselves. You don't have to try to ignore your pain, but you have to try to heal, and if helping others heal, helps us heal, then I choose help others while I'm healing.
You need a lot of self-love to get back to normal, so then you can pay attention to your heart; healing and recovery, while remembering how beautiful your heart is. If you ignore the beauty of your heart while you pay all your attention to your pain, your heart will ignore you back, and like a Narcissist your pain will never leave.
I've said I'm an unhealed empath because I have siblings who set me back with my healing every time I have to talk to them, but if you're not in that kind of situation where you have to talk to them, than you can recover, heal and feel better, stay better and move on with your life.
On top of that, there's the physical ailments of it all that's affecting you in ways you never thought would ever happen, but they did. Physical symptoms that medically can not be explained symptoms coming from somewhere particular. As I know it; to be particular, they come from a long timeline of Narcissistic Abuse.
You can hardly care for yourself as you keep everything bottled up inside, and you get to a point where you couldn't care less for yourself.
Self-love and determination for self-care and positive thinking, is essential in the process of healing from Narcissistic abuse, and I tried all of that during my years downtown and needless to say they didn't help. Because deep down I felt alone, and that no one cared about me or how I felt. My family members were always around, but they not only didn't help, they were incapable of helping me because they only made me feel worse.
I had to live with the emotional misery in my life like I had to live with my siblings in my life, and even temporarily without them around I had the other narcissists in my life. In friends, coworkers, bosses, dates and strangers, all on a constant roller coaster of a life downtown full of bullshit to deal with. Most people found me interesting, but eventually not interested in me; like the dates I went on.
Looking back in hindsight of course; every narcissist I ever met on a date asked these questions for supply purposes while looking interested in me: "So what do you do for a living?" "How much money do you make?" "So do you own your own home?" "So do you have a car?" and “So do you have roomates or you live alone?", and I found it so inappropriate I made sure I never asked anyone those questions.
Even though I was with a narcissist but didn't know yet, they appeared to appreciate how I didn't react negatively to those questions and just responded with the truth. They liked how I wasn't so inappropriately probing like they were, because if I were, then they'd have to lie like a rug with every question I had.
Also avoiding questions and changing the topics, or giving a vague small answer to me for everything, drove me nuts. Me: so tell me about yourself? Them: "well, there's not much to tell, my life is boring" or "there's nothing to tell, I live a simple life what about you?", was a big flashing "GET OUT QUICK" sign for me. Or "omg I need a therapist, why do I keep meeting these kinds of people?"
Therapy made me smarter but always made me feel like I was the problem. Needing a friend and meeting people was fun for a while, but always made me feel like I was desperate, and support groups were supportive but were not there for me 24 hours a day.
In those days no one addressed Narcissism with me and told me people were shitty to me, they just thought I was the problem as they tried to give me advice, so I didn't know I was dealing with Narcissism but they were attracted to me like flies on rice.
I knew them from all the other names; assholes, pieces of shits, lyers, pricks, douchebags, scumbags, apathetic people, ignorant dumdums and all the rest of the names for disgusting people that treated others badly. Not to mention the nice people that would occasionally do or say narcissistic things to me.
Apathy was everywhere so there was no one to tell my problems to without being mocked or oppressed or dismissed. Not one friend knew how to empathise with me, while they liked me because of how empathetic I was.
I didn't have true love the whole time living downtown, not with anyone, and people who don't have that, will need to seek therapy, and do a whole bunch of things to try and recover from disgusting people that Narcissistically Abuse them.
However when you have True Love like how I had after I left downtown and after moving in with my Mom before turning 30, leaving all of the Narcissists down there; you can recover fully with only that. One true love not by another Narcissist while surrounded by narcissists everywhere, can save your life.
Before I met my one true Love Ed, I had all the symptoms; just secretly. Chronic pain, depression and anxiety, fear or avoidance of criticizing or upsetting anyone, isolation or withdrawal as much as I could from friends or siblings. Also Loss of interest in my job; my fun pastimes and hobbies. I had such low self-esteem, constant worry and more.
Then I met Ed and they all flew out the window, and then after 21+ years I lost him and now they're all back. 21+ years in perfect love and perfect trust healing and recovery was a full time daily happening, naturally and joyously, without even realizing it. Now it's a beautiful memory and a fantasy I just can't imagine coming true again with anyone.
Ed and I were reconnecting with ourselves, we enjoyed our solitude without bombardment of narcissists; we discussed everything about terrible people with each other, and recognized what manipulation looks like with others.
Finally discovering Unconditional Genuine Love with someone, and enjoying also unconditional Genuine Love from our baby animals we had, I had it all and there were no red flags, no triggers, no egg shells, no fake phony bullshit, just reciprocal unconditional genuine love 24 hours a day everyday.
We were each other's mental health professionals; we had decreased guilt of no-contact, we had reduced fear and anxiety from narcissists tremendously, what we did was "never mind them" and it worked.
We wanted and needed happiness for each other, and we had Inner Peace, emotional and spiritual intelligence, great times to pass the time, Spiritual Love and in a million years I never dreamed I could ever meet a man like him.
I often told him he saved me and that now I have it all, he would reciprocate by responding in such a way that only growth; knowledge, perfect Love and perfect Trust could flourish. I know it's hard to find one true Love when you've been broken and abused by Narcissists, that's why I know I was blessed to have found one.
One of the most important things for healing from Narcissistic abuse; and for me, is finally having a person with all the great qualities of a beautiful person, that 100% Genuinely Cares or Loves you. But they need to have the four types of intelligence that I believe is necessary to heal completely. Completely where you are no longer in recovery, that's done.
When I express that I had it all, I mean with a man that possessed those incredible IQ's; Intelligence Quotient (IQ), Emotional Quotient (EQ), Social Quotient (SQ) and Adversity Quotient (AQ). When you're with a person who possesses all of them, you're living a life where Narcissism doesn't Trigger or affect you in anyway, but the way to inform others and protect your loved ones.
Being with my Ed, was how I healed the most and the fastest from years of Narcissist intertwining; I left it all behind me after meeting the Love of my Life and the most perfect person to help me heal. I had it all, everything I could never even dream of wanting beforehand, and I spent alot of time beforehand dreaming of what I wanted.
He was an educated spiritual empath narcissistically abused before I came along, and he was still working with people and small kids, so there was narcissistic behavior in his life still, but he retired and we helped each other heal, just by living our best life together, a life of Love and affection until the end of his time.
Narcissists don't appreciate educated Empaths and Sensitive people they can't control or manipulate, they love when your kind hearted and generous, but hate when you're educated, because if you're educated you can see that they are abusive, problematic and fake; there for want nothing to do with them.
Nothing to do with them, is the way to go to fully heal from Narcissist abuse, not only heal from it, but stay away from it, and the dangers that come along with knowing a Narcissist. You have to make sure you educate yourself on Narcissism so you can spot the red flags, and not let them able to be abusive to you.
I hope I've educated you, but I'm not a teacher of Narcissism or a therapist for Abuse Victims. I'm writing more about myself while trying to be informative so make sure you check out the links in the "Words & Terms Glossary", and do your own research from there at least.
A Basic therapist will not educate you on Narcissism, you have to do that, and seek therapy to help you with your emotional stress and abuse, but I suggest you also look at the videos and clips online, with the reels and videos and groups and chats about Narcissism. It's what got me to this point where I feel great about myself again.
I was in hell, and then I just went on facebook and searched "Narcissist" and Boom there they were; people with reels and videos and groups and chats. With them you will assist your healing process, or at least feel better about yourself and regain the beauty in your heart that the Narcissist stepped on.
They stepped on my beauty, my self-esteem, my self-worth and my Love. You need that beauty to treat yourself better again, because you gotta get stronger and inspired again to grow your self-esteem and self-worth back, then you can feel your love again and give yourself the love you deserve. Take care of business again, the business of you.
I now spend time on facebook posting things to help out as well. I post those videos; I post those reels, I post helpful and inspiring quotes to live by, I even post therapists that teach us more about Narcissists.
Then just in case the victims or survivors visiting start crying, I mix it up with some comedy, or comics, or funny things and pictures. I love life again, and I want to help the victims and survivors love their life again as well.
If you want to fully heal you should fully stop dealing with the things that make you feel abused or victimized trying to survive while suffering and sick. Stop contact with narcissists completely to move on without them and heal completely; becoming free from the hold they had on you, and you have to continue until that hold is gone.
If you make that mistake again more than once by remaining in contact with them, than that mistake like my mistake with my siblings; is a decision, to continue with the abuse cycle until the cycle runs its course to the end. Who's end we shall see.
I'm healing just by helping others heal also. When I post for others, or chat with others, I have to know what I'm saying, so I learn it all online and that feels really great. Writing has also always helped me as well, so all this writing I'm doing to share my story, is tremendously helpful.
I always wondered why helping others felt like I was helping myself, so what I find is the fact that helping others feels great, and when you feel great you go on doing great things. Great can be temporary or it can be full time; it can be by helping others or by helping yourself, but when it's around it's great.
However there's also the fact that because you can see different perspectives when you help others, you help yourself with a better perspective, instead of always seeing one perspective, you have more when you help others with their perspectives.
When you share your pain with a person, or that person shares their pain with you; that adds to new perspectives of looking at your own pain and seeing that there are things you can do about it. Or why you're pain may not be as painful as that other person's pain right now.
You should never ignore your pain & suffering, but we usually ruminate over our pain & suffering, and that is constantly reminding us that we have pain and suffering. Don't ignore your pain, take care of it, and you'll see that one day you'll stop suffering.
However, when someone else is before us suffering in pain, and we offer them our selfless concern, empathy, and acknowledgment, there is no rumination during that time period. Where did it go?
It took a break because we're not thinking about ourselves. You don't have to try to ignore your pain, but you have to try to heal, and if helping others heal, helps us heal, then I choose help others while I'm healing.
You need a lot of self-love to get back to normal, so then you can pay attention to your heart; healing and recovery, while remembering how beautiful your heart is. If you ignore the beauty of your heart while you pay all your attention to your pain, your heart will ignore you back, and like a Narcissist your pain will never leave.
I've said I'm an unhealed empath because I have siblings who set me back with my healing every time I have to talk to them, but if you're not in that kind of situation where you have to talk to them, than you can recover, heal and feel better, stay better and move on with your life.
💖Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ, ɪɴsᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪsɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ Bʟᴏɢsᴘᴏᴛ💖
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