I've spent my life telling everyone that my siblings are the worst, and I know I'm not alone because I know of others who think they have the worst siblings also. Many people may simply say that many families are dysfunctional, but my family is not dysfunctional my siblings are.
I have siblings who constantly remind me how unbearable they were, and are, to deal with. Everyday I would live my life wishing I had a different set of siblings, even with different dysfunctions, and when I think about what they put my parents through (never mind me) I just can't believe how I remained a beautiful person for so long.
Families and People can be dysfunctional for different reasons, even beautiful people now and then, but all Narcissistic people are the worst, and all the time. Sure they can help you out sometimes but those times either end up with arguing or just wanting to get away from their narcissism.
Narcissistic words and behavior; shallow thoughts, false narratives and memory distortions, gaslighting and when they DARVO you, are the worst to deal with when they come from your siblings over and over like a broken record.
DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, that may display in response to being held accountable for their words or behavior. Researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
A common response by psychological abusers; also like when they offer you help with something or someone, while you know you can't do something on your own, or deal with a person on your own, but they're helping you with a hidden agenda.
Or just the fact that there won't be any criticism or accusations of wrongdoing by them from you, while they're helping you. Most likely you'll show thankful actions to them and praise them in a manner they can thrive on. You're not triggered, or showing that you're upset, disappointed or hurt by them at that point.
However, when we are feeling triggered, upset, disappointed or hurt by them, all we do is try to point out or explain to them, what they do, did, or said to us that offends, bothers or hurts us, but we can't get a word in edgewise because they start interrupting and complaining about us, even pointing out anything negative that we do, did or said to them.
It is so exhausting just speaking (or trying to speak) with them on the phone or texts while I try my damnedest to Yellow Rock with calmness, even when it seems nothing terrible is happening, and it's also funny because Narcissists all sound like each other, using the same lines from the same default scripts.
Thankfully, that makes them predictable, and that's something that has helped me deal with each separate Narcissist in my life, the fact that I can predict what they're going to say or do, from one narcissist to the next. It's like when I was downtown depending on Astrology and the knowledge of knowing Zodiac Signs to help me with people.
For example when I saw something I didn't like from someone, I worked my way over to find out what sign they were, and remembered that, because I could come across the same sign later, then I'd be careful because they could act the same way. Each sign had a familiar predictability to them that kept me safe.
No matter how illiterate, ignorant, foolish or paranoid they sound, each Narcissist or person with NPD basically refers to, and means the, same things, when they get upset with you getting upset with them, and at this point in my life, they all sound like bla bla blabla dumdum..
They may not use the same words, but they all mean the same thing with the same intentions, and try to word everything properly when it comes to defending themselves.
Through life they have to do alot of defending of themselves, sounding defensive all the time. Which makes them naturally paranoid while anyone is speaking or joking, thinking that maybe you're speaking of or joking about, them.
Whether they're intelligent, or illiterate, correct or incorrect in timelines and events, ignorant or just omitting the facts, they're all cognitively distorted (or delusional) and not accepting the facts about them hurting people from their Narcissism (let alone the Karma of getting back what you give, equal or greater than).
They can't ever stop being narcissistically playing the victim of what I'm saying when they have been the perpetrators of wrongdoings. They play the poor heroic victim of someone, even when they've emotionally and psychologically abused that someone for years. Abused, tormented, or just doing them wrong, call it what you will, but they'll call it "always been there for them while helping and giving them everything".
For example, my siblings were the culprits of wrongdoings and enablers of wrongdoings (in words or actions), witnessed by myself all my life. Also my beloved when sadly he had to deal with any one of them after him and I found each other, and of course my poor Mom and my Dad all their life together.
There's no hope for reason or rhyme, or self-reflection, they're too busy happy with their flawless selves.
With people like them, there's only outer self-projection with false narrative episodic memories, never inner self-reflection with pure intentions to be a better person by accepting the truths from others about them, and wanting to make up for their mistakes and bad actions (let alone hear about them from anyone).
Projection is just a form of defense for them, in which unwanted feelings are displaced onto another person like myself, because I am a person that is a threat to them from an external world. A world in which they are, such good people through and through, with high standards of Integrity, ethics, morals, and etiquette, with no fault and no fury.
A common form of projection occurs when my sister is so threatened by her own insecurity, shame and angry feelings, from me writing about my sibling memories with her included, so she'll accuse me of Lying.
She's told me that I'm being a Narcissist, to get my facts straight, I'm so mean and I'm harbouring hostile thoughts. Just projecting onto me what I've accused her of, it's a vicious cycle that ends nowhere and just another form of gaslighting to not take accountability.
I may have hostile thoughts and actions towards the 3 of you; just as Dad used to have hostile thoughts and actions towards the 3 of you, but that is because your thoughts are so stupid, selfish, petty, gaslighting and spiteful so we reacted hostile towards the 3 of you, big deal.
What else are we left with when we can't make sense from selfish nonsense, and the nonsense keeps coming with no end? In a Narcissist's perfect world (a delusional world), people stay quiet while they go on and on. Then they agree with them and praise them. They're always correct and deserve to get their own way without proving anything to anyone.
Continue your own way you beautiful Narcissist, however continue without me because I live in the real world. Just because you can stand there interrupting someone with one-sided foolish accusations and selfish expressions non-stop in a calm manner, doesn't mean we don't have the right to get louder and louder to block you out so you can stop and listen for a change.
You call it hostile, I call it trying to talk over your stupidity. At least I don't have thoughts of distortion, delusions, retaliation and subterfuge, like you do. Distorting every bad story about you to make it good, delusions of you in a world where you do no harm, and thoughts of all manners of deceit just to live as free and worry free as you can.
Subt8rfuge is the use of tricky actions to hide, do or get something. Thoughts of subterfuge are thoughts of trickery, deviousness, evasion, deceit, deception, dishonesty, cheating, duplicity, guile, and cunning thoughts. All the same thoughts to me, but just for different reasons and people.
I used to have to survive alone also, but I didn't resort to any of that with hurting and using people without being accountable for anything. Plus I was never fake to anyone, not even to my fake siblings.
I wouldn't pretend nothing is wrong, I didn't pretend I was right when I was wrong, and I didn't pretend someone else did a wrong thing when I did the wrong thing.
I also didn't pretend I'm at no fault for something I was at fault for, and if someone was upset at me, I needed to know why so I could stop it and fix it.
Self-reflection (also known as “personal reflection”) is taking the time to think about, meditate on, hear other opinions on; your character and actions from the present and the past; then evaluate correctly, but with so many issues and cognitive distortions, there is never going to be a correctly.
They would have to give serious thought to their behaviors; thoughts, attitudes, motivations, and desires, in the present and the past; with the right perspective and narratives, but they don't see that they did anything wrong, so the serious thoughts are more just bum fluff selfish growth and happiness thoughts if they're not full of retaliation and subterfuge.
Self-reflection is a process of communicating internally and properly with oneself. Typically it involves looking back at something, a past experience or idea and critically analysing the event. Critical thinking is not something you can trust a Narcissist to be for the good of all while harming none. What they critically think most of the time is for the good of themselves while not harming themselves.
It's also an intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered. The only thing they gather is that they're right, you're wrong, and they're finished with this conversation.
When you self-reflect, you have to look at successful and unsuccessful aspects of your experiences and behaviors, and the reflection will help you learn from your past experiences and behaviors, by turning surface learning into deep learning.
However when they hear about an unsuccessful aspect of their behavior, they can't even accept it, because there is no deep connection within themselves to see it and analyze it properly, so there is no deep learning to be found anywhere.
Narcissists and people with NPD and cognitive disorders, can't even communicate properly externally for more than 5 minutes or so, let alone internally for reflection for 15 minutes, and feeling deeply about something is when they deeply mean what they're telling you, "you, are the problem."
Self-reflection at its heart, is setting aside time to think deeply and evaluate your thoughts, attitudes, motivations, and desires. It's examining your emotions and behaviors and then asking yourself, "was I wrong or was I right, let's see." "Could I have behaved a better way or was that way good enough", looking back step by step to recall upon your actions for the good of all while harming none as your intent.
However I wouldn't trust a Narcissist's intent for anything, let alone looking back to recall, or properly evaluate anything let alone their own actions and thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, motivations or desires.
Cognitive disorders don't allow them to properly evaluate anything except the smallest and simplest of tasks. Then they find bigger tasks never finished unless with assistance to carry on. They hardly know what i'm talking about half the time.
When they self-reflect they're most likely just telling themselves that; other people's hurtful words don't affect them, they're strong people who will survive, they're good people, loving people, helpful people and people that don't hurt others.
Sure the part about other people's hurtful words don't affect them, and that they're strong people who will survive could be true, but if they have to properly self-reflect more often than not, the rest is a false mantra. Those words don't reflect their normal actions, and they're not communicating with themselves, they're telling themselves.
They're not suppose to just say words and phrases over and over again to make them feel better, they're suppose to take time to think about their character or behavior, then analyze the reasons that caused the behavior, and where it came from.
Was it right or wrong, and what was the outcome of the behavior? Then what does it all mean to me and others? Is it effective positively? Can I use this negative outcome for positive good for all harming none, or what can I do about it to lesson other people's hurt from what took place? If you have so many cognitive disorders than what you can do about it is not very much.
Cognitive disorders (CDs) also known as neurocognitive disorders (NCDs), are a category of mental health disorders that I believe Narcissists suffer from.
They primarily affect cognitive abilities including learning, memory, perception, and problem-solving, not to mention emotional intelligence and the ability to behave appropriately most of the time without interrupting and speaking out of context or etiquette.
So if they think they do alot of self-reflection, I imagine they mean blocking with a sort of meditation, because they're disorders prevents any positive outcome from their negative outcomes. There's no deep connection with themselves in order to self-reflect properly anyway.
They can not connect deeply with anyone, because they can not connect deeply with themselves, and Toxic people or Narcissists wouldn't know how to connect deeply with themselves if you paid them. They can only mimic the appearance of deep connection by seeing it with others.
Where as when I deeply self-reflect and want to create positive outcomes for others, from my past negative outcomes with others, I can properly do that with my cognitive abilities of learning, memory, perception, and problem-solving.
When they have problems they meditate, but they don't truly self-reflect on being a better person from their various outcomes or problems. "I am calm. I am present in this moment. God loves me", sure God loves everybody, even the Narcissist, but that doesn't excuse or help fix the bad things you've said and have done to others.
Besides, that's not self-reflection that's meditation and it doesn't help anyone but yourself. Meditation is a nice escape, when you help to settle and focus your mind through repetition of the single word, phrase, or idea that you want to hear more often.
Religious people do that with religious and sacred text writing, that they agree with or need to memorize for themselves or to impress others. It's for themselves, it's not for the good of all harming none, it's just for the good of them, while trying not to harm themselves. However Narcissists will naturally harm themselves alot, even if it's just constantly with self-sabotage.
The self-reflection for them is just subterfuge for others, or meditating on a mat and repeating shallow surface bullshit like "I deserve to be happy", "I'm not to blame", "I'm a good person", "what do I need bla bla bla" and stuff like that.
Defending themselves all the time from truths they label lies, because they're about their character, and only think it's not their fault, they didn't say that, they didn't do that, and they do good things for others all the time.
It's never they feel terrible that they made that person feel that way, or they think they made someone crazy and feel so sorry about that, or they'd like to work on not dismissing people's words by interrupting all the time, or that they want to change and will work to learn and become better.
Anyone who calls them a liar is a liar. Anyone who calls them a Narcissist is called a Narcissist, or any one who says anything bad about them, makes them say bad things about that person instead. That's where smear campaigns come in play from them, and they are the poor person that we are talking bad about for no reason.
For them, it's as if something terrible they did in the past is the past and doesn't matter anymore, even if the past was just last week, but they always bring up what they think is something terrible about someone in the past, and how it made them feel terrible, even till today.
I am a person of good character, qualities and traits like integrity, honesty, empathy, loyalty, fortitude, and other important virtues that promote good characteristics, qualities and traits that are in the amazing list above.
I didn't learn them yesterday, I was born having them, or the ability to realize them later on. Those character traits define who you are as a person — and highly influence the choices you make in your life, not to mention the blessings you receive. Great karma & blessings come with great characteristics, qualities and traits - the opposite comes with the opposite.
When I speak to someone I give them the benefit of the doubt that they are a person of good character also, except when I speak to a person who has proven to me that they are a Narcissist. I can always tell their characteristics, live or on the phone, because I have the experience of a Narcissistically Abused Person all my life.
Since most of them walk around without being diagnosed a Narcissist by a mental health professional, I diagnose them myself as Toxic while I see with my own eyes and hear with my own ears that they are regularly Narcissistic. I have been my own mental health professional for a long time so it comes naturally to me.
When they would pretend to care and call me on the phone the conversation is one sided; they're just double-speaking and carelessly giving me their time of day; sounding flippant, egotistical, unoccupied and upset at the world and me to say the least.
They show so many characteristics of a Narcissist to me, while there are no mental health professionals with a Ph.D., or medical degree around as a witness to confirm what I'm saying.
I don't pretend to have a Ph.D., or medical degree, or that I'm a professional in anything, I'm also not an expert, but I do have an expert-ness about Narcissism with their wrongdoings and abuse.
When they show certain Toxic traits, in certain toxic manners, I know as a feeling and my opinion that they are someone with undiagnosed NPD or a full blown Narcissist.
Anyone can learn from what I am saying, or just dismiss it all as me being a Narcissist, or as something they don't need to worry about at this time.
Narcissists can be caught on the phone many times with Toxic characteristics as depreciative, negative, spiteful, distracted physically and mentally, and ready to have a conversation with themselves or their pets if I put the phone down to go to the kitchen.
Behind mere words of concern or missing you, it just feels like they couldn't care less about you, or anyone else for that matter. They may have called you and that makes you feel thought of, but me personally, I don't want them to think about me anymore, because I never know in which way they've been thinking of me.
They might say in a good way, but I already know that they hide alot of the bad ways they think. Actions should match your words, people's actions show their real attitudes and intentions, rather than what they say.
Anyone can say anything from their mouths and there is no way of telling if they truly believe in what they're saying, unless they prove it with their actions.
The actions should match the words, but with using words to hide your true feelings or just pretend, they don't. Actions and words should match, but when you talk to Narcissists on the phone, they think you can't see them, so they sound more genuine. That's not the case.
If it were the case, then saying you care about someone in a conversation; while being flippant, glib, jokey, facetious, shallow, superficial, thoughtless, ill-considered, impractical, inappropriate, time-wasting, forgetful, and petty (never mind having physical or mental distraction) while talking to someone, must mean you must really care.
When they're on the the phone with me sounding nice, it doesn't mean I don't see things, by hearing the actions while you're pretending to care about me. As a highly sensitive Empath I'm a very visual person, and I can see things when I hear things. I know what things sound like, and I'm not a dumdum.
Besides, never letting me speak but keeping all my time - while they air negativity - without accepting the proper solutions or reality while talking on the phone with them - does not mean they called me because they care - they miss me - or they were positively thinking of me, it's a crazy-making I can't tolerate any longer.
God knows what kind of cognitive distortion was going on while they were thinking of me. By the end of the conversation, there's a red flag blowing in my face, or five of them pinning me down till the conversation is over. Even though I get whatever little joy that comes my way in the conversation, like sharing a memory or a sort of trauma bonding.
The joy is not sustainable and they ruin the conversation with something stupid they say; some selfish feeling or disregard for others, or some sort of continues blabber about themselves and what they believe.
The under-feeling of joy vs the over-feeling of being pushed or punched is enough to just have me ask for a final one-two punch and throw me overboard.
It's either stay on board and start to feel unsafe and not-secure about what is to come, or throw myself overboard to feel safest and secure after I get away from this conversation - to stop listening to them and what they think and what they believe - while they don't let me get a word in edgewise.
They also have a tendency to sound like they think that I am either beneath them, less than them, naive or still a child. As a child, I felt safest, secure and loved only by my Mom and my dad because I did not like what I saw from my brother and sisters, classmates & strangers.
Then growing up to my 30's with everyone else behind me, yet still one toxic friend and one co-worker or acquaintance after the next, I finally met Mister Right and he swept me away from all of them. All the dangers were finally gone, I was finally truly safe and secure.
While I was with my beloved for 21+ years; all the delusional narcissists from my past, were probably working to rebrand themselves while I stayed away from all of them. That includes my siblings as well.
I'm sure they had different ways to get what they wanted, like from my Mom, which meant different ways to hurt or use her, but finally I was excluded from their agendas, and would just be updated about them when I went to visit mom and do her hair.
I only worried about my Mom, and if my beloved had to deal with any of my siblings. Success of no-contact wasn't 100% because I had to visit my Mom here and there, so I had to enter the world of Toxicity over and over again while my siblings were still connected to my Mom.
At the time my Mom passed away, that was the worst time of my life, and all my siblings were there under my Mom's roof as we went through the whole jewish ritual period of mourning.
We stayed at her home and receive guests from the past and present; and the men would recite the Mourner's Kaddish and reflect upon the loss. The behaviors and toxicity I saw and felt were disgusting and unbearable, but I was there for Mom and Dad and no one else.
Throughout this sitting shiva; the funeral, and the procession accompanying the body to the place of burial took place as well. It is referred to by the word levayah, meaning "escorting." Levayah also indicates "joining" and "bonding." I was joining and bonding with my Mom and Dad in Spirit, not my Siblings in Narcissism.
While feeling bad for them, I knew that no one felt as bad as I did for Mom and all that she had to go through with them before leaving me. I saw with my own eyes how my eldest Sister and Brother were still manipulating their way around to get what ever they wanted but were not entitled to.
As far as the other sister, she was just sad. Sad for what - she couldn't share, and I never really knew, but assumed it was from the wrong way of selfish thinking thoughts.
The three of them were fucked up on their own reasons, and in their own ways, but I stayed calm until the end when all hell broke loose. I couldn't even talk about the Love of Mom with any of them because I knew they never genuinely loved her, just Mom and Dad's closest friends.
My siblings were never; or never told me about them being - diagnosed as a Narcissist by a mental health professional with a Ph.D. - or medical degree. However I really don't believe they would be capable of telling anyone the negative truths about themselves, but I saw their negative toxic truths over too many years, to not know for sure (in my opinion) that they were all Narcissists at that point.
The basic differences between just being Toxic and being a Narcissist is; Toxic people are controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. They have toxic ways about them yes, but a narcissist will use gaslighting to make you feel confused and insecure. They will use every opportunity to shame you and isolate you from other people.
They will always play a victim and make you feel guilty. They have an entitlement and grandiose attitude about them that has them appear like they think they deserve things that they can't have or do not deserve.
When you argue with them, you can tell they're using a default strategy that worked with people in the past or something, to get their own way. Also to say the least they all are similar in their abusive behaviors, as if they follow One Most Popular Narcissist Playbook.
Narcissists are smart and devious, dumdums are ignorant and toxic. Now in my opinion Narcissists can play dumdum, but they're just being manipulative and trying to win you over, while dumdums can't play a Narcissist, it's to confusing for them, they wouldn't be able to keep track of all the strategies.
Those strategies of theirs always trigger me to defend myself against their hurtful or dismissive ways or selfish-grandiose-blindness of inconsistencies. Their stories change from one time to the next, without them aware that the other person can keep track of what they say better than they can.
Or just closed-mindedness; so sometimes I have to use the "Get out of Crazy Town" card, for just speaking to me can show me how their NPD will never go away unless they severely want to change, and I can see it and hear it.
They always have contempt for others; with mocking or sarcasm, and making jokes or derogatory statements about others. Gaslighting me or smearing others with a smear campaign. It all just pisses me off just as much as dismissing the feelings of others does, unless the others are Narcissists.
However sometimes while they're talking I let them get away with what bothers me about them because I feel bad for what they've been through that could have assisted the creation of their madness, and I know I can't get a word in edgewise at the time. Usually in that case I've been love-bombed by them, or I'm trauma bonding with them.
I feel bad and hope that something I say will help them, and can penetrate their thick skulls, getting them to want to change their unknowingly hurtful or narrow-minded ways; even while they don't feel bad about any which way they've been speaking, making me wish I wasn't feeling bad for them.
Talking to a toxic narrow-minded sibling; is usually a waste of time because they don't think they have narrow-minded ways in thinking and in speaking; but they do. I used to think it was unknowingly, but they know, they know, and they don't think it's toxic either.
However, as a naturally loving and hIghly sensitive Empath who sees everything in many ways, I have usually tried with narcissistic people no matter what they may believe, and try as I may to no avail I risked my own mental health.
I am an individual who feels more empathy than an average human; thus giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, so that's why my first instinct is to keep trying at the moment, knowing it could go nowhere. I'll go in that nowhere with them, but I'll be the first one out that's for sure.
So now to help me with my own mental health, I've made many changes when I say yes to them; but mostly boundaries and rules to see me or speak to me, and if they can't follow my boundaries and rules with respect which I don't get from them anyway, the word no and goodbye will have to suffice.
Growing up with my brother and sisters telling me I was too sensitive and to stop trusting everyone, while they were the ones emotionally hurting me, tricking me and tricking me, had me thinking they're not sensitive enough and now, it's them I do not trust.
I knew they appreciated my Empathic ability of being exceptionally sensitive to the emotions and frame-of-mind of family members; never mind friends and nearby individual strangers who are suffering and need support.
So when you cut it all down, the thing they appreciated about me, is the very thing they wanted me to stifle so I wouldn't trust anybody else but them. Trying to make them the only ones I could come to for support. That never worked.
I'm not their baby brother anymore that they wish they could change to be more like them, and I'm not still empathetic or sensitive to their emotions and frame-of-mind; because all they ever do is gaslight me and disregard my empathy for others, emotions for them, and frame-of-mind when they drive me nuts.
It's bad enough I have to deal with possible Narcissists when ever I have to deal with strangers, or anytime I Leave my home. Even without words you can spot a narcissistic person everywhere; being not good or nice.
For example, let's say the average person at the grocery store won't hold the door for an upcoming stranger (woman or man), or how about a couple walking together to the store, but one is in front of the other paying no mind to their partner behind.
Yes that's a Toxic dismissive behavior, but they're either just toxic that one time, or they're always toxic. If they're always toxic, then to me they're narcissistic and do worse than that. I don't need to stick around to see more, because I know more would come if I did.
What about when someone is rude to me for no reason at all, are they toxic or Narcissistic? We'll I consider rudeness a Narcissistic toxic trait, but I won't stick around for more rudeness, I'll just label them Narcissistic and get away from them, because I know more would come if I stayed.
I don't care if it's one time, Narcissistic behavior begets more narcissistic behavior and most likely they're rude many other times, because if they appear just fine with the behavior they're displaying, most likely they're a rude Narcissist all the time.
Also, you can stand up and give a woman your seat on a bus because she's carrying a child and needs to de-stress, or you can just stay standing so everyone who can, has a seat because they're all carrying problems and need to de-stress.
I don't need to tell you by now, that I was always the one who would do the latter (with a supportive comment or calling them by the name Sweetie). Unless, of course, I really really really needed to de-stress.
I needed to de-stress most of the time, but it's most of the time I put other people's wants and needs before my own (and add a supportive comment or just call them sweetie), without the feeling of suffering or insecurity in any way, it is more a feeling of goodness, and I love that feeling more than any stress I'm feeling.
I love to feel it in myself, see it with others, and know it intimately because it's an intimate feeling you share when you're behaving so good to others.
I get a feeling of intimate goodness when others are good to each other (intimately good to each other), just as I get a feeling of intimate goodness when animals on my property are intimately playing with each other.
The feelings of goodness can be just feelings, or deep feelings that could even make me cry, but when I cry over that kind of intimate feeling, it's for so many reasons, along with feeling that more people need to intimately display their intimate feelings, to one another.
Many people in the world say, the world doesn't work that way. Well maybe not the Narcissistic world, and maybe not my sibling's toxic world, but I'm proud to say, in my world and the world of many other deep feeling good peoples - a loving and caring opposite of Narcissistic world - they do, and have been all my life.
You are the company you keep, and the world in which you live, and that's that, take it or leave it, milk it or squeeze it, it's the truth and the truth is all I write, as it sets me free. Thank you for reading, I love you, so you better love yourself.
💖Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ, ɪɴsᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪsɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ Bʟᴏɢsᴘᴏᴛ💖
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