To heal or not to heal, those are not the questions, those are the choices. The questions are; will you be able to go no-contact, or must you still have contact?
Narcissistic abuse is all inclusive, it's not limited to one-on-one romantic relationships. It can also come as your brother; your sister, your parents, other family members, and or friends, neighbors and coworkers. Even as online trolls that don't know you.
I enjoy going through their online catfishing troll bullshit, because by the time it's over, I know while spending time with me, they couldn't spend that time with someone else not experienced in their whole scam.
Hoping that they felt defeated and not inspired to do it again. I know they'll do it again, but at least they felt defeated. When a online scamming narcissist feels defeated, they could withdraw from their whole scamming career online.
To me and how I see it; Trolling, and scamming, are online behaviours of a sociopathic minority, often emerging among individuals with “Dark Tetrad” personality traits; Narcissism, psychopathy, machiavellianism, and sadism. They are strangers online to you, but you are nothing to them, or at least nothing but a target.
I try not to deal with them when they leave a comment or pop up on my messenger, but sometimes I just have to. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until they start asking about my money situation. They make you think that they are someone real but they're just Catfishing you making you like them and open up to them.
Catfishing refers to a person online that takes information and images, typically from other people, and uses them to create a new identity for themselves. In some cases, a catfisher steals another individual's complete identity—including their images, date of birth, and geographical location—and pretends that they are their own.
I've been through this many times also; never gave my money or info to them, and just stopped communicating with them, while reporting them to facebook as well. They ask you for either money or your bank account info; money to send them, or bank info for them to send you money so they can help you, after chatting for just a little while to make you comfortable with them, and easily trust them.
It just feels better for me to find out first before assuming they're a troll scamming narcissistic shit for brains, and then I slap them in the face online, so they think twice about bothering others; who may not be able to emotionally handle it. That's why you have to ask people personal questions, and get them to answer them, and if they don't, you can see they're avoiding answering them, and that's a red flag.
So be careful when all of a sudden someone wants to befriend you and chat with you for a while making you feel good and happy you met. If it's not me, be weary that they're telling you lies, just to open up to them, and feel personal or emotional with them, feeling like it's reciprocal and a trustworthy conversation you're having. Ask them questions about themselves, and you can see many won't be answered in detail.
I have a lot of pent-up frustrations so it's good for me also; getting them out once in a while. At the end of the catfishing troll conversation; or at the end of telling off a Narcissist; I feel like I helped out a worthy cause or did a good deed for others by letting them know that you can't fool everyone all of the time and you shouldn't fool anyone anytime.
They're not being nice people, they are Narcissists that are never nice without reason, so the being nice part is not genuine. I'm always being nice and thinking of others when I go through things like that. Being nice to others, and doing good deeds for others, helps me heal better; feel good for a while, feel my self-love thank me, and makes me feel like I'm still a part of the world.
When I had Love in my life everyday living here with me, I was nice everyday to someone special, and doing good deeds for him all the time, so I healed better and felt great all the time. I had self-love again, felt worthy and a part of the world.
You give yourself to another, and feel good about it, as long as that person is appreciative and worthy of your Love. It is something I don't get to do anywhere else but online now; or when I get deliveries to my home, or I order handymen to come help me with something. Because I no longer have that special Love from that one special person.
Online you come across narcissistic abuse one on one, but offline narcissistic abuse is not always one-on-one, it can be two or more on one, like in a public setting with live strangers, or like with two siblings against one.
Or, even like two Exes against one. Now add their flying monkey's and you got two Exes and two flying monkey's, that's four toxic people abusing one. Two friends + 2 friends + a parent perhaps, and so on and so on the abuse gets worse.
There's no number too high, after a smear campaign that has you confused and crying why?. So will you be able to go no-contact or must you still have contact; are you waiting for the results of your smear campaign?
Our actions will answer, and many times our actions will enable the abuse cycle to continue and get worse. However not with me. I'm done with them. I will no longer tolerate any gaslighting of any kind of any special technique, I've seen all and they are now unacceptable barf.
However, how I see it is; when I go no contact, it's just one less emotionally abusive narcissistic person to deal with, and now I have more power to deal with the rest of them, or the ones to come.
I will try to move heaven and earth to go no-contact with all of them, because if I don't, the abuse cycle continues and my healing process becomes just another un-healing and injurious damaging and dangerous wound that I can never recover from.
When you go no-contact with one Narcissist, it can affect you in positive ways; or you might feel terrible about it, but you will free yourself from the dangerous outcomes that were laid ahead of you without your knowledge by just that one Narcissist.
It's exactly like something you had to do for the better, but you wish you didn't have to do it, and maybe you can't, and so you must. You will be free again, feel free again, think freely and speak freely again, and do all those wonderful things you used to do freely.
If you have survived Narcissistic abuse, you will start to heal and then recover while you work on continuing to set those boundaries in solid brick, because there are more narcissists out there. You never know when you're going to be the target of one of them, again.
I believe that with every beautiful person out there; there's at least 10 disgusting Narcissists or toxic Narcissistic people ready to pounce on them, and that with every path we take in life, we will come across them like flying bugs in our way.
We may meet them directly, or indirectly; through flying monkeys or just dumdums we come across, but when they meet us, remember that they can appear as the perfect person to befriend or fall in love with. Now back to me, as you know I am a survivor of this abuse by two Sisters and one Brother.
While succeeding in having no contact for many years already to the first worst narcissist I ever met; Sister number one (the eldest of the three), I just recently after New Years 2024 made a solid brick boundary for the second worst Narcissist I ever met and told him "Never to contact me again".
He was trying to Gaslight me for the last time, and I just couldn't take any more. He was my one abusive disgusting biological brother, and the worst male narcissist I have ever known.
After telling him to never contact me again, I felt such amazement that he gave me such an amazing opportunity to do so. Gaslighting me like it was more important than believing me or trusting me, it was amazing. Just so he didn't have to take accountability, it blew my mind and I was is such a happy mode after.
That took care of two Narcissist Siblings, now for number three (Sister number two), the hardest one to go no-contact with, one who is Covert but appears altruistic to everyone, though aggressively reacts when you say something she doesn't agree with about herself or what she said or what she did.
You can say you love me till you're blue in the face, but when you can't listen to me when I have an issue with you, it's not real love, it's love on your selfish, inconsiderate, obnoxious unjust terms.
With siblings that you grew up with it can take years upon years upon years to recognize that they are so Toxic that they've contributed to your own life of pain; heartache and confusion and feelings of oppression and negative cognitive traits. Making long-lasting negative influences in the causes, consequences, and self-worth insecurities, with negative life events.
All, of my siblings, were some of my worst influences towards my negative life events. I thought I was trying to deal with just other toxic people all my life, meanwhile I didn't even realize that I was also dealing with my toxic older brother and sisters building over the years, my cognitive distortions and terrible emotional and psychological C-PTSD symptoms.
While Sister number 2 was they're flying monkey for years at their beck-and-call, she was ready to react to their commands. Most of the time with a whiff of disapproval due to the commands seeming overly entitled or unreasonable, but she was always there for them. It's a self-sabotage she'll be trying to heal from for the rest of her life.
I always thought if she was going to help them, and I'm staying away from them, I should stay away from her and felt bad doing so. With her it's been an on-again off-again contact game, because I saw the good in her, and hoped it would prevail over the bad, cause I saw the bad but I was able to ignore it or agree with it. Until now.
I've tried to have no-contact with all of them after the chronic stress and hypertension they would give me, but then Sister number Two and I would be talking again, mostly trauma bonding which was nice, but it never lasted of course.
This past phone call I had with her, was the last one I will ever give her. That makes Three; Three Narcissistic People most prominent and most disgusting to me all my life that I am done with, after giving them so many chances, ending up with me on the ride in hell on wheels, but the ride has finished.
Insecurity and self-doubt, feeling like a dumdum most of the time is how I lived my life before meeting my beloved. Agitation with people and places almost everywhere I went. Nervousness and anxiety never left me but either did the Love for good people so I knew I had to work on being strong with facing my Demons.
Demons I thought were symptoms and not the cause; my actual brother and sisters and all the other Narcissistic people I had to deal with, were; and are; my demons.
Problems with concentration or thinking was always there for me, which gives you the inability to recognize and acknowledge things of importance, like the root of a problem. I had many problems and they were the root of them all.
Problems with memory. Headaches. Depression and crying spells. Suicidal thoughts or attempts. Mood swings and over-sensitivity. I had all these things, and my siblings contributed in making them as solid and permanent as possible.
Exaggerated or irrational thought patterns involved in the onset or perpetuation of psychopathological states, were hindering me from becoming the beautiful person that I truly was and truly wanted to express to others.
In plain english; that means NARCISSISTS CAN DO ALL THAT TO YOU, AND MAKE YOU FEEL ALL THOSE WAYS; NEGATIVELY IMPACTING YOUR LIFE, WHILE YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
I had to pretend most of the time, with most people; pretending I was fine; I was strong, I was normal, or that I'm not a dumdum as much as I looked like I was. I could be fine to your face, looking like I'm in the right place, and then turn around so you can't see me cry because I felt so lost and out of place.
Needless to say for years before meeting my beloved, cognitive distortions and constant depression and anxiety were always present even though I tried to hide them.
Cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause individuals to perceive reality inaccurately, and that's exactly what Narcissists do to you, as they live life naturally perceiving reality inaccurately while projecting that onto you.
They oppress and distort everything going on inside of you; and if they have access to inside of you for years; which is your mind that controls you for years, the complex psychological trauma and damage they've created is a Post-traumatic stress disorder you live with for years, called C-PTSD; complex Post-traumatic stress disorder.
Go ahead and ad an O at the end for Oppressed and you've got C-PTSDO; because they don't want to know that some part of it is of their contribution and if you bring that up, they oppress it down. Just like when you bring up to them, anything that bothers you about them, they oppress it down, which oppresses you down, and the conversation ends.
They have a way to perpetually oppress you, just like they have a way to live and breathe. I'm telling you all this to let you know how terrible it can be, to have the abuse for years before you realize what's going on, and take action.
It's better to know now, then later, and sometimes it takes boundaries, and sometimes it takes a complete no more contact double brick wall with no doors and no windows to that Narcissist.
They don't only distort your mind, but they distort your body and soul as well, all while oppressing you. So don't let that happen to you and go no-contact. Or if you're co-parenting with a Narcissist have as little contact as possible and just don't engage in any conversation.
Especially when you know the conversation just feels one sided, and you can't say anything about it without them aggressively interrupting with "how dare you that's not very nice I'm ending this conversation" comments.
It's just another way of gaslighting you to oppression. Oppression because as their now putting you down for what you're wishing to tell them, you have to then keep it to yourself every time something bothers you about them.
With a partner, or a co-parent, or a sibling, it's almost impossible to go no contact, so be strong, don't let their selfish-bullshit-word-salad get to you, and just Yellow Rock them whenever you have to have contact.
All my life I've had to be the bigger person, and that is the person that can listen to their bullshit, and stay quiet to prevent their aggressive reaction; because they don't want to hear your negative thoughts on how what they said or did bothers you; let them think they said their piece, then let them know you gotta go "click, eeeee".
Hang up the phone, or walk away, because they just can't shut up and listen. The narcissist uses a randomly thrown together word-salad when they are confronted with something that they do not want to talk about or if they are being called out.
You may have questions about their behavior or the relationship and start to let them know that it bothers you when they do something, but they just aggressively interrupt and act like "how dare you Bla bla bla!".
It's like you can bring up any negative feelings and say anything negative about anyone else and they agree with you and your feelings on the matter, but if you bring up negative feelings towards something they've done or the way they spoke to you, they don't agree with you and your feelings do not matter, so "how dare you" and "bla bla bla bla" goodbye Sister number two.
Aggressively interrupting me to start letting me know how ungrateful I am because she was worried about me and that's why she called, but she can't let me begin; let alone finish what I was trying to say, or she'll pick a fight with me and say the most selfish inconsiderate word-salad of unintelligent apathetic gaslighting expressions.
It's unacceptable behavior that I've let her get away with too many times, so now is the time I permanently get away from her. I've tried to go no-contact with her for so long, it's been nothing but a Trauma bonding roller coaster relationship, where I always felt bad for her and what she went through with the other two, but now I'm through.
To those who have gone no-contact already, you know what I mean and I'm so very proud of you. It takes alot to break off from any narcissist, be it a lover, a brother, a sister or mother, a co-worker or a friend, it's all worth it at the end. And now you know the narcissist, so it should never happen to you again.
Unfortunately they're everywhere so it may, but at least you know about many of their red flags now, and you won't ignore more than one or two waving in your face.
I say they're everywhere because good people are everywhere and I believe for every good person out there, there's at least 10 Narcissists waiting to find them for target practice.
Good people, sensitive people are everywhere; people who care for others and display emotional intelligence; and people who have empathy for others even when others express a dissatisfaction about them, are perfect for narcissistical target practice.
I am one of those good people and I know I grew up giving others the benefit of the doubt, which is what Narcissists also like about their targets. They also like when you stay quiet while they ramble on, and I have alot of experience staying quiet and listening to their constant garbage word-salads.
I needed to except alot of criticism while growing up and living on my own, but I appreciated them because they made me a better person. Even my Mom tried to make sure I was a good person that didn't hurt others and used to tell me "you shouldn't say that, you shouldn't say this, don't be like that, and don't be like this. Thank God she did.
However with all that experience of accepting good criticisms, I also accepted bad narcissistic criticisms. At the time, I just thought everyone's feelings were important, and I should take what they were saying to heart, to make myself a better person. It was naive to think that, or just ignorant, or just stupid, but I was feeling I was all of those most of the time, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and accepted the criticism.
If someone told me that something I said bothered them, or they think I should say something a better way, I would appreciate it if they told me, because I don't want to say that to them again, or say that the wrong way, to anyone.
I have always loved to learn how words and actions can affect people; so when they're hurting because of something that I said, I'm hurting because I hurt them. Or even with something I didn't say; which means I should have but didn't for what ever reason, making them feel unheard or dismissed, that hurts me too, when I find out.
I'm not hurting because my feelings are hurt and I don't get defensive and try to convince them it was nothing. I shut up and listen, learn from it, acknowledge what they tell me and don't dismiss it or them; like a person with NPD would do.
People with NPD can say that they're a good person because they help others; they give others things and do favors for others without asking anything in return; you can even see that they show feelings for strangers and people who are hurting so they offer their help.
They can feel like and tell people they are, a good person. Showing sympathy and giving words of care and concern to people, but they don't show those people the Narcissist inside them. It's when you can see the narcissist inside them and call them out for it, that all their narcissism comes out at you, and the roller coaster begins.
If you can't be apathetic; be quite and listen, when someone calls you out for sounding narcissistic, or wants to tell you what they need from you to make things better (which is what I was trying to do with Sister number two); how much of a good person are you really, because aggressively interrupting and reacting; dismissing my feelings, and arguing how wrong I am are not actions of a good person.
Sure strangers won't complain about you when you're being helpful and either will friends, but you know what's really helpful let alone makes you a better person?; that anyone can tell you anything, even when something bothers them about you, and you won't go off on them aggressively interrupting; telling them how rude they are for even saying such things.
With a person that has NPD but doesn't display it to strangers; those strangers will thank them and tell them they love them for what they did to help out, while never attempting to ask them to change their ways or stop behaving in some way. So it's very easy for a Narcissistic person to be with Strangers, they don't demand anything of them, especially when you help them.
People who know the Narcissistic person more because they display their NPD with them, will thank them also; listen to them, tolerate them, support them but eventually come to a head with them. Finally saying or attempting to say "I don't like that you do that, or say that, can you please stop that." And then all hell breaks loose, while someone who cares about you, would say "absolutely and I'm so sorry."
I was naive with low-self esteem, but always loving and giving of myself to others with loving appreciation, it didn't matter if you were my narcissistic sibling, friend, roommate, or my narcissistic Boss, I never questioned your actions or words, and was grateful by showing my appreciation all my life. That alone revealed that I was perfect for the picking, for all Narcissists.
Picking and picking 12 months of the year from so many that target you, or that have you in their lives. I don't know how anyone can actually be healed, we're always in recovery when it happens again and again.
💖Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ sʜᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ, ɪɴsᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠɪsɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ Bʟᴏɢsᴘᴏᴛ💖
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