Even though everyone who is a stranger should be treated with respect and kindness when face to face with them, you still don't know who they really are, and what they really think of you.
They could be thinking "what a great target" or "look at this fool", but they have a smile for you that makes you think, "aww they're so nice". I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I see a red flag, however now I don't give everyone more of me, than they give of themselves.
Now I basically Yellow Rock strangers I talk with, and I believe that's sufficient unless I see they're giving me more, like from the heart; kind words, compliments, feeling or emotions they suddenly share with me, or even sudden tears because I caught them at a difficult time in their life.
I will always reciprocate with my Love for others, and I'm usually too much to begin with; by saying too many things or revealing to many feelings and giving my heart from my sleeve, but I will never give my heart away like I have, to everyone I come across.
I will with Love, Yellow Rock those who appear to be nice and mean well for me, and they'll be satisfied. Yellow Rock is when you just keep it simple yet friendly, with polite niceties and only saying what is necessary, to avoid anything negative that may be triggered by the other person. No jokes, no observations, no unsolicited advice.
You can tell when someone wants to get the hell away from you as quick as possible anyway, and it's usually then that I would keep trying to make them comfortable with more things to say.
A joke, an observation, a question, a compliment or my unsolicited advice. They usually still don't want to talk to me, and then I feel like an idiot at some point, and regretting things I said.
However I'd rather avoid all contact with anyone because I can't trust that everyone's not a Narcissist, or that they do not have NPD or BPD. So many people are enabling those toxic people everywhere I go, I'd rather not go anywhere, and most likely those enablers are toxic. Toxic is toxic, even by proxy.
I know,, everyone should be nice to everyone, and that's okay, so now I will nicely Yellow Rock everyone since they don't have time for pleasantries with me.
You may be nice to your narcissist Boss because you need the job, you may be supportive to your narcissist friend because they help you so much. You may be nice to the delivery guy because you appreciate the service, or you may be supporting and enabling a narcissistic sibling, because "family is family".
Unfortunately, you may also be married to one, or worse with kids from one, it's all very scary to me how much support and enabling, narcissists are getting today.
By staying with your Narcissist spouse, allowing them to hurt you emotionally or physically, you are enabling them to hurt other people that you don't know about. And if you have a kid together, you best believe that kid is being negatively affected by all that's going on between you and your spouse.
There's no court in the world that addresses NPD Abuse specifically, they only address abuse, and what is proven on paper by professionals, not what you say that they do to you daily. The victim suffers even more, and if there are kids involved, most likely they're fucked for life.
It's also not as simple as a paragraph but I can't possibly specifically go on about being Married to an Abusive Narcissist here, because that would take more and more chapters. I just thank my lucky stars that I never had to marry one.
It makes me wish I was Judge Judy, she tells it like it is, right to a narcissist's face, and she also tells the dumdums that they're nuts or stupid. Judge Judy is a "Truth Machine" and a great "Lie Detector", and I sort of feel like that also, except with her, you have to answer the questions, with me you don't and that's all I need.
It's great when a Judge can see that your spouse is full of shit, lying and double talking in court. And that's what a Narcissist spouse will do to you.
However you get no points when you lost your patients on the Narcissist emotionally and psychologically abusing you; becoming the instigator of a physical assault on them without them physically assaulting you first. You get points deducted.
In truth, I will deduct points from you also, because at the point of you assaulting them, you would have seen many red flags of danger on it's way, and if you're not a dumdum like the Narcissist makes you believe you are, then you should have stopped communicating and disengaged a long time ago.
The dumdums with a kind heart even; can make stupid choices that come back to bite them; for instance wrong choices in the people they lend a helping hand to, because even Judge Judy knows there's a difference between Compassion and Stupidity.
However it says as a general rule, judges can see through a Narcissist, but not with using the term Narcissist. Like me all my life; Judge Judy has used other names in the book, but never once have I heard her call anyone a Narcissist.
Judges can absolutely see through their behaviours, both in the courtroom and through evidence, and she calls them whatever she wants at the time, but never calls them a Narcissist, like when I called them whatever I wanted before knowing the word Narcissist.
With or without a Lawyer, narcissists will often beat their opponent in court by false accusations that are just lies to manipulate, while falsely projecting their issues onto the opponent.
The Narcissist could stand there at attention before the judge and look like an intelligent person with a good head on their shoulders. Giving the impression that they're telling the truth, with detail and promise.
All the false accusations then force the opponent to be on the defensive, starting to sound and appear like they're the ones that are crazy, and causing the court system to frown upon them when the opponent makes similar charges against the narcissist.
Many forms of emotional & psychological abuse are not crimes but can be signs that the abuse might get worse. Some of those worse crimes can be threats to harm someone, take part in criminal acts, or criminal harassment. However, you always need proof on paper, cell phone, video or witness.
To me when a guilty narcissist is not charged in court for anything; or wins the case against them; or let go because there's no proof of a crime, or because omg it's not their fault they did that; the court has enabled another narcissist to go on hurting others with a potential of committing a crime.
I feel the same way with Border Security, trying to protect the Canadian and American Borders at the Airport Terminals. When I watch that show, I'm so impressed by all those Law Enforcement personnel. Those women and men were trained to spot people that look suspicious, I love that.
They are also Truth Machine's and Lie Detectors when they randomly stop passengers going through the airport for one reason or another. There are so many people in the world lying and cheating all over the place, and when they cross the border they're caught like rats in traps.
The way they conduct themselves while questioning the traveler is truly impressive; the way they're so nice, and cool, and friendly, but never lose the focus of training to find out if the person they're questioning is lying, or something just seems off.
I love watching the liars get caught lying, but many times on things that are not criminal or an offence, they let them go after so much time investigating and questioning, without any charges but just a warning.
I think the liers should be charged at least for the time spent with the total number of labor force or workforce, and waste of time spent to get to the lie and the issue. Like having to open all your luggage after you checked off that you're not bringing any food, only to find a shit-load of food.
Or that you checked that you only spent a few hundred on some presents, only to find a shit-load of expensive jewellry, jackets, boots, shoes and purses.
It makes me sick how many people lie to Port Authority about what they are or are not bringing into the country. They should be consequences for lying to authority at least.
It's just terrible and puts the Narcissists & Dumdums up on the pedestal of not having to respect Port Authority or Law Officers of any kind, and are enabled and innocent until impossibly or dangerously proven guilty.
For me, when you Lie, you are Guilty of Lying, and there should be criminal consequences for even that. At least a charge, and if they can't pay it, a day in the slammer for each lie told to Port Authority or Law Officers.
While many people have narcissistic traits even if they are not narcissists; people with NPD have problems that affect their lives; relationships and everyday life, with wrong choices that lead to lies and conniving ways.
They can be calculating; scheming, and shrewd, with hurtful ways of speaking. They may also be up to no good without anyone even suspecting, and many times they just did something terrible while talking to someone who thinks they're wonderful.
They regularly equivocate, pathologize, and use latent language and jokes that are the opposite of funny. When you feel deeply about everything the way I do, everything a Narcissist says and does, affects you deeply.
So when they lie to - or hurt people, they're lying to me - and I'm hurt also; while feeling the practicality of them lying to - and hurting others in the near future.
It's hard to handle when they use a lot of their traits at one time, but even when just one trait is exposed or released, it's a red flag of their imperfections that they try to hide through life, and a sign that more or worse will be used on you and others.
Narcissists always have conflicted feelings about their own imperfections, but Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict anyway, and they are never content so they may also create the drama and conflict at the blink of an eye.
A significant imperfection of theirs is self-sabotage, but they see sabotaging others; like lying, pretending, gaslighting or tricking others, as genius talent when they make it work for them, even when some of those others are in support of them.
Once their self-sabotage takes place, they just can't understand why this bad thing (the consequence of their actions) has happened to them, they don't believe they deserve it as bad as it is, even when they engage in behavior that leads to severe karmic consequences.
If you tell them this, they will disagree strongly and tell you that you also have many imperfections; and yes you do, we all do, but I don't get upset when one or two of them are pointed out to me. Plus, my imperfections don't hurt or lie to people on a constant basis.
I've always welcomed constructive criticism so I can make myself better by knowing what they are, if I can. I'm not perfect, but not one of my imperfections have ever hurt anyone like theirs have over and over again. I will also not lie to anyone but a Narcissist that's lying to me, only to stop them.
I vigilantly keep an ear open for lies, and an eye out for red flags, and I may forgive but I don't forget. I can't forget because eventually, I could be in danger if I do.
When I say danger, I mean anything from the smallest hurt feelings, to more and more emotional an psychological manipulation and oppression, to the biggest violent consequence by forgetting the red flags.
If I give myself to a Narcissist; as a supporter, a friend, or a lover; I could eventually die or be killed by that Narcissist; and by die, I mean metaphorically or physically. Physically by them just from me having a heart attack at some point of the most stressful time ever endured.
For example with an obvious metaphor; feeling tormented by a narcissist daily, or even by yourself daily, can feel like you are dying, and don't forget everything an Empath feels is felt deeply.
Like a Sociopath or Psychopath, people with NPD have it in them to turn on a dime. Sometimes when I see those red flags, I try to figure out if it's the flag of a narcissist, or one of a Sociopath or Psychopath.
Haven't you noticed that the red flags of a Sociopath or psychopath are very similar with those of a Narcissist? Sociopaths and psychopaths are Narcissists of the worst kind, they can end up being stone-cold killers, and all it takes is a rotten Narcissist at his lowest time in life, to become one.
However narcissists tend to form lots of relationships, to exploit and manipulate others, appearing to be good while being glib and superficially charming, and so will sociopaths and psychopaths, not to mention stone-cold killers.
That's why it's best to stay away from Narcissists and people with NPD. It won't stop you from a random one running up to you and murdering you, but it will limit your chances of someone you thought was a friend or a "normal" person, hurting you in a way you never thought possible.
Every one of the stone-cold murderers in the world is a psychopath with brain damage at most, and a narcissist at least. There is no reason to kill anyone unless you have the power-hungry rage and drug-addicted blood lust of a psychopath, while they show complete disregard for human life.
A sociopath is someone with behaviour significantly deviating in criminal behaviour and dangerous ways while a psychopath is someone successful in that, with persistent antisocial deviance and a disregard for human life.
In my opinion, it just takes the fucked-upness of the free Narcissist to hit rock bottom; have nowhere to turn, and no one to turn to, before the opportunity arises for them to take on the traits (and new secret career choice) of a sociopath or psychopath.
My discernment ability to perceive; understand; and judge things clearly right away in perfect love and perfect trust; for the good of all while harming none, especially those that are not obvious or straightforward, is a sensitive cognitive and spiritual awareness that knows all about it and helps me to stay away from Narcissists.
It's a great thing for me to be a highly sensitive person (HSP), yet I was never lacking the courage to face something difficult or dangerous when I had to, and when necessary I have been courageous and faced many difficult or dangerous situations with Narcissists head on all my life.
They are tricksters or fraudsters; pretenders, unlawful and shallow people who know not how to love and to give from the heart, but they are also obvious; with red flags everywhere, and dumdum hurtful words, principles and convictions.
Devoid of empathy for others especially when they tell you that they themselves are suffering in life right now. For them they're problems are more than your problems, but their problems are mostly consequences and Karma from them self-sabotaging themselves all the time.
They will be this way forever because it's their natural way, or normal behaviour; that Maladaptive behaviour that restricts them from adapting to, or coping to manage situations or stressors in healthy ways.
With a plea for help; those who are aware that they used to be; or are a narcissist, and want to change; actually see a professional concerning their NPD and work to change, and many times you can see and hear the change.
However most of them don't see that they are, don't admit that they are, get mad and deny when you say that they are, and won't seek help because they are, a Narcissist.
If you hear a plea for help at one time; it's just a scheming false plea for help, because you'll hear it again while they're not doing anything about it; or, you'll never hear it again.
Remember; that just because you display some-NPD, doesn't mean you're a full-blown narcissist, so there could be hope for change with those in plea for help. However what I witness in people too often is not some-NPD, it's too much-NPD not to be a full-blown Narcissist, that will have a hard time, admitting they need to change.
They don't understand that some of it begets more of it, begets more of it until they are all of it. Do you understand? I think that makes sense, that if I see any of it (any of the behaviours of a narcissist), I'm triggered into thinking that they could be a narcissist, with the next display and the next display and so on and so on, until I'm done with them.
However I know the difference between narcissists behaving badly all the time, and normal people behaving badly; or appearing like a narcissist, only at certain times.
For instance, a certain time would be when they react to a narcissist, they may sound hostile or aggressive, or not make sense while trying to defend themselves; while the narcissist is staying calm cool and collected.
When you argue and fight back with a narcissist, you're reacting to their narcissism, so you may look and sound like a narcissist yourself, but it's only to defend yourself, however, anyone around won't know that. It becomes insane for you, and you don't want that feeling in public.
Whoever is witnessing you behave that way, will not think properly and assume you are that way all the time. People witnessing can be generally limited and shallow with cognition when it comes to visually seeing something happen and processing it, so first they see what they see, lose focus, judge and then, "it is what it is", becomes a false judgement of you that they keep to themselves.
Some people don't know how to think properly; let alone concentrate or think deeply and helpfully, because that also refers to cognition traits and disorders; thus, it refers to the inability to process information; hold attention, store and retrieve memories and select appropriate responses and actions.
People in the world act more inappropriately than appropriate as I see it, and it's exhausting to see all the time, in life, on TV or at my front door. Sometimes I think these people just react without using any side of their brain.
People speak without making sense, or just without the proper words in place. If they speak at all, they lead with a lack of clear enunciation, articulation and an engaging tone, preventing the real message from taking hold in the listener's mind.
People in the world, react and speak to quickly to really know what they are saying (and how stupid they sound), it's all inappropriate to me, if they're using any side of their brain at the time, it's more likely they're using the left side of their brain way too much.
I think it's necessary to also be using the right side more, which is the creative side yes, so when you're creative you can slow down to think better for a better outcome.
When you're creative a lot of the time, you use the right side of your brain a lot. Fortunately, I can use the right side and the left side with a nice balance of my brain activities, for the best outcome, a lot of the time.
I'm talented and artistic most of the time and with everything I use my brain for,, so I prefer to live a life using the right side of my brain most of the time, but I can also use the left side when necessary.
In general, the left hemisphere of your brain controls; serious intense times, speech, comprehension, arithmetic, and some writing.
The right hemisphere controls creativity, spatial ability, artistic thoughts, and musical skills, not to mention putting anything together appropriately; for someone specific or even just in general for everyone and yourself.
Also it pays to be artistic and creative when you are figuring out how to speak to someone that will make a difference, even a narcissist can appreciate the language of artistic and creative thinking people.
However, many people display the attention span of a fruitfly and exhibit dizzy inappropriate behaviour, responses and expressions. It also seems like they're already thinking what they want to say before you finish saying what you have to say, so while you're talking they're not listening to you, they're forming what they want to say.
Then there's the lack of communication skills of an aggressive Narcissistic Drug addicted power-hungry Bully Mob-boss wannabe, with no ability to empathize, understand or communicate with people, or express themselves appropriately.
If I see those kinds of people in front of me talking, I try to make it so they are not in front of me, so I don't have to waste time stressing-out my right side or left side cognitive abilities on them, while they "bla bla bla" me to death.
Just like when I was a kid; with a kid's brain, my brain would tell me to simply cross the street while walking to school when I spotted them coming from the other direction on my side of the street.
In those days (the 70s) I would ignorantly think they were all just "mental", but now I know they must have had a mental disorder only known if characterized by a clinically significant disturbance in their cognition; emotional regulation, or behaviour.
I skipped school way more than anyone you know, and it's all because of these kinds of people surrounding me wherever I was throughout my life, draining my life force and making me scared to endure more abuse.
I lost out on learning and knowing a lot of things I should have learnt and known by the time I left home, but I made up for it 10 fold as you can see.
Cognitive psychology is the branch of psychology dedicated to studying how people think, and I was very interested in learning about that, but I couldn't learn it in school, I had to learn it on my own, the way I learnt everything else.
The cognitive perspective in psychology focuses on how the interactions of thinking, emotion, creativity, and problem-solving abilities affect how and why you think the way you do.
I never had cognitive impairment, but to some it may have looked like I could have, because I was surrounded by narcissistic people; bullies, bad people, and people who had cognitive impairment around me, so I had no time to learn, just time to plan my exit and run home or to the park.
When people have cognitive impairment, it can lead to losing the ability to understand the reason; meaning or importance of something and the ability to talk or write, resulting in the inability to live independently.
Or they could live independently with many times of trouble and strife all through their life, and never understand the reason, meaning or importance to why.
When you have no ability to understand the reason, meaning or importance of things; people will eventually notice that of you, and want nothing to do with you.
As scary as it was to live independently, I did it anyway, and I knew my brain knew; the reason; meaning and importance of doing so.
Cognitive disorders are defined as any disorder that significantly impairs the cognitive functions of an individual to the point where normal functioning in society is impossible without treatment. However that's just normal functioning, what's normal anymore?
I'm certainly not normal, but I do know what is normal; acceptable, appropriate at times when needed, so I blended in.
If a Narcissist can't function normally in front of me, and always have me defending myself against their abnormal ways of behaving and speaking, I know they're living life affecting (and provoking) all the normal people out there in negative ways.
In my opinion, and I'm not a professional by any means, I accept people's character flaws here and there, but at an older age they're not character flaws anymore, they're NPD.
As an Empath, it's all very draining on my brain, and emotionally exhausting trying to defend myself or just constantly explain, to someone who can't think normally while speaking to them.
Speaking normally or reacting normally; with no agenda, paranoia, pathologizing and always interrupting. Sometimes a normal thing you've said, triggers them with their paranoia, then the negative reactions come pouring out.
Accusations, assumptions, false perceptions, gaslighting, lies, how smart they are, how normal they are, and all their traits come out onto you once you've triggered the Narcissist's brain.
While you were talking to them, they didn't have a deep emotional level of connection and feelings with you; they were listening, but they couldn't hear, because they only had a deep emotional level of connection and feelings with themselves.
However it feels like at the time; that their brain is not attached to them. Empaths feel what another person is feeling at a deep emotional level if there is a person with deep emotional feelings or stories being revealed, in front of them or on the phone or online.
Everyone loves that about us until they don't, but if we make them feel bad, we then feel bad; if we say something they don't like, then we feel something we don't like also, and later we have that situation ruminating in our heads for days.
It doesn't help when they're triggered in their brain by something with you, and you just can't figure it out, well either can they, because they displayed complete delusional brain-farts of paranoia; confusion and bewilderment, bafflement, puzzlement or ignorant shock.
They over-act many times, over the simplest of things, like you saying "No" with a legitimate reason. They don't know why they over-act, but they get over it once they've seen there was no reason for alarm, we however, are left to agonize over it in our brains.
So it's been years and years that I've been, psychologically and emotionally manipulated & pathologically abused. Each Narcissist is like a house of cards; or house of mirrors, when you step into their house you get stuck and must fight for your way out.
I've always been strong and tolerant though, so I may last in their house of cards or mirrors for a bit longer than others, but while inside; I see them for who they are, even with cuts from the cards and mirrors everywhere to confuse me so they can control me.
Do you know what confuses many of them? Speaking in metaphors all the time the way I do; being a beautiful person just because; while having such conviction about them, while they believe that they are the opposite of everything I'm saying. Sure you can be the opposite of some of it, but not all of it.
They lie like rugs, they display cognitive disorders and mental issues, they have behaviours that are considered to be inappropriate, concerning or threatening and they'll die before they can tell you maybe you're right.
They give unwanted attention, unwanted questioning, and always saying "Why Not" when you say "No". All these ways of theirs, is why I believe the best way to deal with a Narcissist, a person with NPD, or just a dumdum, is to Go no contact if you can. Refuse to engage or explain yourself to them, decline every opportunity to see them in person, set extremely firm boundaries.
There's also ignoring them they hate that. Become extremely boring and distant and if they keep pushing just Yellow Rock them by being kind and friendly still but from the other side of your brick wall boundary. Drive them away with radical self-love, and they'll see that you really have moved on without them
They have a hard time accepting rules & boundaries, always want what they don't deserve, and always hurting your feelings when they don't display any feelings for how they make you feel.
They're yelling or talking over and interrupting others, can't be reliable, can't be trusted, can't stop omitting the truth or facts, can't stop keeping secrets, can't stop pressuring you, testing you, wanting from you.
Can't stop asking for more, can't stop offering you more, can't keep their promise, can't keep a job, can't keep friends, can't stop cheating or keep a relationship, can't stop sabotaging or gaslighting, and can't stop bothering you to try to hoover you back in to their web of lies or house of cards and mirrors.
Narcissists, sometimes you can't love them, sometimes you can't hate them, but you must ignore them, or you risk losing yourself and everyone else except them, then you'll either fall apart or become one yourself.
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